


Holding on to What's Left

by Citrus_Twist



Series: Stripped [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But they come back I promise don't worry, Canon Divergence, Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Langst, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, Suicidal Thoughts, There should be a bunch more tags but spoilers, only a little though, pidge is an angry child, post-season something, shklance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-14 22:32:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Citrus_Twist/pseuds/Citrus_Twist
Summary: Lance wakes up on a beach with only random tatters of memory. He knows his name, knows the ocean is his home, and knows it hurts his soul to see a bunch of crazy robot lions. Also- he doesn't need to eat? What the heck is up with that?





	1. The Lights Go Down

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Something Has Got to Give](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906586) by [Cathwren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathwren/pseuds/Cathwren). 



> Hey! So I've been stalking the Voltron fandom for a little more than a year now. I've finally uped and decided to hop in (of course at the tail end of the shows running schedule.) 
> 
> I tagged it as 'Major Character Death' because it's not untrue? But they don't stay dead, I promise.
> 
> As a small aside, this was originally going to be a small inspired short fic after reading 'Something has got to Give,' and it kinda turned into its own behemoth. Not really sure how that happened. 
> 
> There's a small contest kinda thing with this fic. All the chapter names are related in some way. If you can tell me how, very specifically, I'll do a free art or writing commission your choice. It's all pretty negotiable, just don't get super crazy. Do know, I'm not the greatest at either, but I'll certainly try. For the art whatever idea you have, fandom related or not (though for OC's I'll most likely need ref pics.) For the writing, tbh? It's basically a free for all. It'll be at least 3K+, but I'm very much of the 'it'll be done when it's done' mindset, and I'm really bad at condensing so...
> 
> Hit me up on here or on my tumblr: http://citrusmewtwist.tumblr.com I should probably make a Voltron side blog now.
> 
> Anyway, I hope ya'll enjoy!

Lance woke up to the smell of the salt and sand. He was comfortable, plush fabric surrounding him, the sound of the waves a distant kiss to his ears. It was warm and he wished he could feel the ocean breeze against his face.

He was home. Or- this was like his home.

Though he wasn't sure how he knew the beach was his home. And the more he tried to follow the train of thought, the more it escaped him.

Where was his home?

Where had he grown up? Here? It- it should have made sense, but he couldn't remember. How had he gotten here?

Where even was here?

Lance struggled to move his limbs, struggled even to open his eyes. It all felt like lead, taking monumental effort to twitch a finger. He felt his mind panicking the smallest bit, trying to keep calm- this was just like- sleep paralysis, right? He just needed to focus on the sounds of the beach, on the smell of salt, sand, and spray, of the intimate heat against his skin. Just focus. That's all it would take.

By the time he got himself more calm, he could move his hand, and twitch his lids open. Not that it did much good- wherever he was was pitch black. He sighed, panic hoovering loosely at the pit of his stomach, but mostly averted.

It would just take time. His body was still waking.

He tried to remember more things. He knew his name was Lance. Good start. He was born...in July, he knew that, but couldn't remember the date, or even the year. But it was better than nothing. He'd always wanted to be a pilot, he remembered that.

He had a large family. Lance couldn't remember their names, not even their faces, but he remembered the feeling of cookouts on the beach, brothers and sisters and nephews running around his feet as he sat with his Abuelita listening to stories of his grandfather and the early days.

It had a humorous tinge to it. He remembered laughing often at those cookouts.

Lance tried lifting his arm, blocked by something just above his body. It was the same plush material he was lying on. He was...in a box lined with fabric...on the beach? What a great help that was.

He pushed against the fabric above him, a sliver of light falling in from the outside. Lance frowned, pushing again harder this time.

It was a door- the roof itself was a door.

And Quiznak it was heavy.

Lance had to fold his arms over his body, planting his hands on the roof above his chest before pushing hard. He grunted, sitting up, trying to use his body to help push against the door.

With a last grunt, and a curse because that was fucking bright, Lance had his box open and shit he should've thought this through ow. He closed his eyes, palms to cover them because it was bright as all.

It took him a long while to adjust, sitting with his hands to his eyes. Finally, still needing to squint heavily, Lance looked around.

He was on a beach- skewed, his box having washed up on shore. Just a small ways in the distance were dense forests, and the beach seemed to expand forever in either direction. Beside him, the water stretching similarly out into infinity.

He was utterly alone, and for some reason, that brought a great deal of pain to his chest, leaving him breathless and scared.

There had to- his town had to be around here somewhere. He looked down at himself- he was wearing an odd pseudo-uniform, black and tight to his body like an undersuit. Or maybe some kind of formal clothing?

He needed to move either way, try and find people. He was having deep memory loss which was probably not a great sign for him health wise. He stood up, legs shaking against the sand- he sighed into the ocean breeze now ruffling against his skin and scalp.

Lance frowned, feeling his head. He felt skin and peach fuzz. And nothing else.

That...wasn't right. There was something wrong with that, he was suppose to have something. He remembered the feeling of fingers carding through it, of cleaning it in showers of water.

What the hell had happened to make him lose this much of his memory?

He shook his head out, trying to concentrate on the idea of finding someone. Lance started walking, letting his feet skim the water as he went. It was pleasant, brought back feelings of nights on the beach walking alone, looking for comfort in the song of water against coastline.

He closed his eyes as he walked and he- Lance wouldn't say he was comfortable. Hell, he was on some random island in the middle of nowhere with no one around and no real memories of anything before or in between. But still he wasn't worried. He knew how to survive like this, he would be fine.

Lance walked along the beach until he felt his skin itching from the heat. He spent too long cramped up, didn't have his tan. He...he wasn't the right color.

He should have tan skin, bronze with freckles everywhere that could barely be seen. His skin was still tan just with a...almost a blue film over everything, like he was looking at himself through a blue lens. And his freckles had turned dark, dotted everywhere over his body.

Lance could only imagine what his face must look like now.

It was the first time he really truly felt wrong here. That all of this was _wrong_.

He took in a shuddered breath, determined not to cry, not even sob. What happened to him?

He just...needed to find whoever lived here. Beach was a no show, might as well try the forest.

Lance changed direction, heading into the forested center of the island, still walking parallel to the coast so he wouldn't get lost. Although dense, the underbrush was mostly small and easy to wall through.

The wrongness only magnified the longer he walked. He hadn't seen a single animal. Not a scurry over the trees, a bird in the sky, or a jump of fish from the ocean. He hadn't even heard insect chirping. It gave the whole place an eerie loneliness that had him walking on eggshells.

Late afternoon he started walking back to his original location. He knew he wouldn't reach it before the sun went down, but considering the lack of wildlife that wouldn't be a huge issue. Unless everything was nocturnal. Then he might be screwed.

Definitely would need to keep his eye on that.

Lance was halfway back when the sun started setting. He'd been hoping his forest travels might land him something to drink- maybe fruit, a spring if he was really lucky. He'd have to spend most of tomorrow searching for water.

Lance walked back down to the beach, watching the sunset. It was gorgeous, sun reflecting against the calm water, clouds painted with orange, yellow, violet- and oddly enough, green. That was odd, but kind of nice. He couldn't remember ever seeing pale green in sunsets before.

Well he couldn't remember _anything_ , but it still felt abnormal to see.

As the sun dipped low and twilight began, he looked up to see...two moons? Earth didn't have two moons.

Because he was in space. He was on a different planet. That was a normal thing for him. How had he not remembered that? No wonder he couldn't figure out where he was, he had no idea if he'd ever even been here before.

Lance collapsed on the beach, enjoying the soft sand against his body. It was nice that he didn't have to worry about getting it in his hair- his hair. Lance rubbed a hand over his scalp- his hair was gone, like it was shaved or something. He could feel the barest prickle of it regrowing but...

Oh well. He'd probably needed a hair cut for like, a month. And given his current situation, no hair was probably going to be a much better option.

Curled up against the sand, hoping he could figure some of this out, exhausted from walking all day, and dreaming of what crazy adventure he must've been on that he was now stuck on a deserted island.

* * *

Lance was standing when he woke up.

He was not where he fell asleep.

It was still night time.

Something in the forest was glowing. In fact, a _lot_ of somethings in the forest currently glowed.

Lance rubbed sleep from his eyes, confused and disorientated. He was at the edge of the forest, ocean water lapping at his feet. It...it was high tide. There were two moons, there was no way he was going to be able to sleep on the beach, the water would get too high for that.

How the hell had he gotten here?

A small glowing something distracted his train of though. It was getting closer to him, and Lance squinted trying to see what it was. A quiet curiosity poked from the pit of his stomach and he walked through the underbrush following the light, looking back only once at the ocean, hoping he'd remember where the water was.

The small light met him as he walked and held out his hand as it neared...it was a creature, no bigger than a firefly.

"Hey little guy. What are you doing out here? What even are you?"

It was like a small jellyfish, impossibly light and instead of tentacles it had what almost looked like a small bag. It landed on his hand, not touching but floating in place.

Holy shit, the thing was so cute! He wanted twenty of them.

It flapped its upper body and started slowly hovering away, heading toward the beach.

"So long little guy. Hope you get to wherever-"

Lance was interrupted as small lights passed next to him, some as big as his palm. Tens turned to hundreds which turned to thousands. His mouth fell open in awe of the pale green light show, all of them heading to the coastline. He felt himself drag along behind them, wanting to follow them wherever they went.

When he got to the edge of the forest, he watched The Glow Jellies (official name now forever more) dip into the water, floating on the top. They bumped into each other, content with being dragged along by the tide. Even now, the water was relatively calm and Lance wondered what structure was under that kept the water so calm as it approached the coast.

It was only a few minutes later when the Glow Jellies lifted up, less agile now, all much closer to the ground. The smallest started first, moving up and heading back to the forest. He watched as one fell to the ground, weighed down by something.

Lance darted over to it, making sure not to run into any other Glow Jelleis on the way.

It tried desperately to fly, dragging its lower half on the ground. He bent down to examine it to find- water. It was holding ocean water in its pouch, carrying too much to be able to fly.

Lance chuckled, very carefully picking the thing up and placing it on his palm. It squirmed against his fingers and hand, still trying to fly foward and not moving along his skin more than a hair's distance. He started following the other Glow Jellies, picking up the tiny ones that fell to the ground as he went. He noticed it was only the smallest that fell to the jungle floor.

It was at least an hours walk into the jungle before he'd gotten a chance to stop. He'd picked up seven jellies, all of them vibrating and flapping in his palm. There was a large rock formation- almost a circle, and they floated to the top of it, disappearing after. Must be a cave entrance or something.

It was a relatively easily climb up, the rocks were more gentle slops and softened edges than anything else. Still, he was careful. Climbing anything one handed was dangerous.

Lance gasped when he finally reached the top. It wasn't a cave, but a spring. The waterline started about a foot down from the rock edge, plant life growing from the bottom to trail upward. Just a few inches above the water was a series of thin films of...he wanted to say mucus, but he wasn't sure it was an apt enough description. Something flimy and sticky and gross.

The Jellies landed on it, deflating, water leaking out of their lower halves and onto the film. He could hear hundreds of droplets of what hitting the spring below.

It was a filtration system. They were filter something out of the water. Micro-biology thingies maybe? He...

He knew people that would want to see this. He couldn't remember their names...one was big and one was tiny though. The big one was warm and friendly, the tiny was nerdy and sassy. Very sassy.

Lance didn't know what he felt, but it wasn't a happy emotion. He felt longing to see both of them, guilt because he knew they were important and he couldn't even remember their names, and...this weird- not- a weird hurt. It was a hurt, like he'd been bruised in his chest and it ached a bit to breath. He wanted to see them, knew they'd want to see him, but...he'd ruin things. He remembered doing that a lot, that feeling. Somehow it hurt more than if they didn't want to see him at all.

He didn't know where that thought came from. He was beyond confused, felt raw and hopeless. He set the tiny Jellies he had on his hand into the mucus filter, trying to find a way down to the water. He...he just needed to distract himself for right now. He had better things to worry about.

The water had to drain out somewhere, right? Oh, unless it just went straight down...there had to be someway to get to it. There were small holes in the mucus filter on the edges of the rocks, definitely big enough to fit something into, just not big enough for him to fit.

There had to be like...sugarcane or something around. He could make that into a straw.

He hopped down the rocks, not getting very far in his searching- it was nightime afterall, and now without the glow of the Jellies he was shit out of luck finding his way around.

Quiznak.

The only thing around were these stupid trees and the stupid underbrush and their stupid vines. He ripped away a handful out of spite, the vines easily coming down from the trees and up from the brush, tangling against his grip. He wished he just had some rope right about now. What was he even going to do...what was...

  
_Lance's Abuelo had told him for weeks that he'd show Lance how to tie a fishing net to a buoy. They were hunched on the dock, his grandfather weaving a complex series of knots. He placed a small sphere in the center- he picked up the rope, a large amount hanging from the top of the sphere, the small practice buoy now dangling in the air._

_"Where did you learn to do that?" Lance said, because that was awesome and he really wanted to know if he could do it to his sister as she slept._

_"Well you know your handsome grandpap spent time overseas fishin'? This is something they used to do."_

_"That's so cool! can you teach me?"_

_"No lo sé, Lanza, you have to be a grown up to learn this. Are you a grown up yet?" He knew his pap was teasing, but he played along anyway. It was more fun that way._

_"Yeah I am!"_

_"Oh? Well then my mistake, mi Marinero! Come on over here, will get this going. It looks tough, but it's easy as anything- just start here. "_

  
It took Lance several moments to come back from the memory. With one gaze at the vines, he tried winding the vine like he did the rope. He used a rock for practice- he'd have to try and find driftwood tomorrow if he was going to really make something with this. With most of the Jellies back, they're glow radiated off the top of rocks giving him just enough light to see by.

It took him a while. The vines weren't nearly as cut proof as the rope had been, were stiff too, and if he made a mistake with a single piece he had to completely restart. It was sloppy, skewed eight different ways, but this was doable. This was a thing he could do. He grinned at the rock, netted successfully, sighing contented as he flopped against the ground. He could see the edges of light peaking over the treetops.

He should've gone to bed a while ago. He was tired to his core.

He could do this though. He could survive. He could get as much water as he needed and- he wasn't hungry.

He frowned. Had he been hungry at all? Since he woke up from the box? He should be though. At least he thought he should be, thought he remembered how hunger felt. In fact, shouldn't he be ravenous right about now? His stomach was empty, he could feel that, it just- wasn't rumbling in distress.

Which, know what? That sounded like a worry for future Lance to take care of. For now, he needed sleep- had an important job to do tomorrow after all.


	2. Empty Beds

Shiro sighed, lying in his bed, coming down from an adrenaline fueled midnight wake up.

The nightmares had just been starting to end, now that Zarkon was dead.

He sat up, eyes glued to his dresser. He shouldn't read it again. He'd looked over it a thousand times- he still couldn't remember anything- it only upset him.

But...

What if this time he did?

What if this time something came back to him?

With a deep exhale, Shiro stood, opened his top drawer and fished out the letter from where he kept it buried under clothing.

He looked at the writing, a deep stab of pain...or _Lance_ of pain. He chuckled inspite of himself, having to take a deep breath.

That was such a stupid joke and _exactly_ one Lance would've made. And Shiro would sit there, holding in his laughter, trying to be a good leader, just roll his eyes as everyone else groaned.

None of them were doing well now that Lance was gone. He'd thought they would survive, that their group was made of thick skin- quiznak, that they'd be able to function.

He hadn't seen Pidge in eight days, and the only reason he even knew they were still around was because Hunk could find them.

They were falling apart and he could do nothing to stop it.

Every night he saw Lance die. It repeated in his mind over and over until he woke in a cold sweat with agony and dread lacing his body.

They'd been travelling through the galaxy, headed for Earth. The problem with that was that many systems were asking for help- some of them bold enough to refuse to let them pass through their sector if they didn't help.

The Lutrusians were the former, thankfully. They were a peaceful people, dedicated to Utopianism. It made them easy pickings for Galran remnant fighters.

He ran a finger over the letter addressed to him. He'd had no idea Lance had such nice handwriting. He expected chicken scratch, energetic as his personality.

Everyone thought they knew Lance, that he was an open book. A single letter had questioned everything.

He wondered what other secrets Lance had kept from them- how he'd kept it from them.

He couldn't read it again. He had to stop this.

Lance was gone and he had to accept that.

Shiro's alarm clock started beeping at him. He took a deep breath, gently placing the letter back in its place and turning the alarm off.

Time for their daily morning meeting.

Allura and Keith were already in the meeting room when he arrived. He could hear Hunk coming down the hall. He was surprised and relieved to see Pidge there as well.

"Paladins. I know we have a lot of ground to cover, but I've received some...troubling news," Allura said, looking them over, "Locals of the sector are talking about seeing a creature called an Azuhom."

"What's an Azuhom?" Pidge asked.

"It's hmmm. I believe the Earth term is 'Zombie!' Why, it's quite like the Rookshank back on Altea! Though with less mouths. And no gills or talons." Coran said.

"Similar to it, from what I remember. The legend claims they're bestial humanoids with blue skin. They pull children into water, drowning them, then turn the corpse into a Azuhom."

Shiro didn't miss the way Keith perked up.

"That's more akin to a Kelpie."

The others looked at him. Keith looked back, blushing slightly.

"Well- they aren't mindless, are they? And what evidence do they have?" he asked.

Coran spoke as Allura typed on an alien keypad, "Well, I don't know if mindless is the right word, but nearly to it, of that I am certain!" A screen fizzled out from the wall just as he finished.

Credit where it was due, that was some nice tech the old Lutrusian empire had.

A scene appeared on the screen. Someone, a young girl and boy from the sound of it, were holding a camera talking to each other. They were on a beach, crouched down, camera pointed at the water some ways off. The sun was setting, lighting not great.

But a very distinct humanoid figure rose up out of the water, very blue in color. It walked along the beach, long legs and lithe build. The two holding the camera muffled screams before holding their breaths, following the creature's movements as it walked across the sand. When it disappeared into the jungle, the camera swayed randomly around, the two running away from the creature.

Everyone was quiet as the footage stopped.

"Allura...that...looked like the planet we-"

"Yes."

"Where we-" Shiro started.

"Yes."

Silence rang out around them.

"Are we going back?" Keith asked.

"That's the question. Baradwys is a paradise planet- that island is home to a single species, and all traffic in and out is heavily monitored."

"But- but if- if it landed there-"

"The Lutrusians know its location, Hunk," Coran started, "We already looked into it. It's still floating on the ocean." More silence. Shiro's gut was twisting in knots.

"It's not far, right?" Shiro asked.

"We should be able to get back there in less than a day."

"But do we know if it's related to...?" Pidge asked, trailing off.

Coran and Allura shared a glance. Allura was the one who turned back to them, looking pained.

"We have reason to suspect it is."

The silences were becoming oppressive.

"If- if these Azuhom even exist that is. There's been no scientifically confirmed sighting of them, and they seem to just pop up across the sector, with no inherent pattern."

"So why are we even bothering with this?" Pidge asked.

"This doesn't seem suspicious to you?" Keith countered. Pidge gave him a nasty glare, and opened their mouth to say something back.

"It's worth a look. There is definitely something on that island, and if reports are that its hostile then we should look into the matter," Shiro said, hoping to avoid conflict.

"Have they said it's hostile? What if it's just some creature that washed up on the wrong beach?" Hunk asked. "Well, the kids filming said it had come from the water dragging a corpse with it, went back into the water, then started hauling the body off into the jungle."

"Ok, so how dangerous is it considered to be?"

"It supposedly has enhanced strength and endurance. Better healing, no need for food or water."

"The usual, then."

"As usual as intergalactic cryptids get, sure."

"...fine, whatever." Pidge conceded, walking away.

"It'll take a bit to get there. We'll be coming back to this fort when we're done, it shouldn't put us too behind schedule- uhh- we'll only need Yellow and Black, the others will be staying, the Lutrusians don't like the noise pollution!" Coran said, volume rising the farther away Pidge got.

They were already behind "schedule", though Shiro was pretty sure the schedule had been thrown out the window at this point. They were holding above their current planet, Ios, indefinitely staying on what was an old Lutrusian satellite base, before their empire collapsed. At one point it had spanned sectors, now just ruins among the stars. A Galran vanguard had set up shop in the base, making it easier to pick on the Lutrusians still in the system.

It was where Lance got caught.

They split up after the meeting, Shiro heading back to his room to prepare emotionally. He didn't want to hope. He _couldn't_ hope. But every time he smothered the flicker as it rose in his chest, another small wisp would appear when he looked away. 

They all had wills. It was a just in case sort of deal. Shiro had been against the idea of making them, but Keith told Allura about the Earth tradition, and then Allura insisted all of them have a will.

Lance's was pretty specific. He wanted to be laid to rest at sea, somewhere with a salt ocean so he would be by the water forever. They'd set Lance out to sea on Baradwys three weeks ago. They would be back in less than a day, and Shiro had no idea what he should expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm in the process of re-writing major portions of the middle and later chapters, just to get them up to snuff. There are a few small story changes, but it shouldn't be too much in the end (I hope.) This is the shortest chapter by far when I originally wrote it, and I ended up trimming a lot of it out on top of that. The next few should be much longer!
> 
> It's looking like the first part is going to be around 30K words. The second part Should be around 45K, but do not quote me on that one.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy!


	3. Raise the Dead

It was early morning when Lance heard it. It was something entering the atmosphere- a spacecraft. It brought up feelings like two weeks prior with the Jellies- nostalgia, longing, hurt, but now with anticipation and dread mixed in.

He'd had dreams about them. They were all vague- not even shapes, just random spurts of emotion in his gut, with voices he couldn't understand. Lance hoped that whatever this was it might give him some answers.

He was going to find out whatever that was. He'd hide in the forest, make sure nothing saw him. He'd really started to learn his way around, he should be fine.

Lance spent most of his days exploring the jungle, swimming, or getting driftwood. He'd actually just found a huge log yesterday, and was excited- turns out, the trees were incredibly sturdy. He'd been building a makeshift home in the branches out of drift wood and rope he made from braiding dried vines together.

It'd come back with a memory of his sister.

All he needed was water, which he had plenty of now. He never found himself actually needing food, which was still a very weird sensation for him. It was convenient at least- he hadn't found a speck of anything edible on the whole island.

He slid down his tree, hit the two branches, and jumped off catching himself on the bottom one, before falling the last few feet to the ground.

He bet that looked cool. Too bad there weren't any girls around to see it.

Lance started running, tracking the incoming craft through the trees. He was still fifteen minutes away from the beach when they landed. He tried running faster, exhausting himself in the process. It was worth it for the time it saved him.

Lance's breath caught when he saw them. Two giant mech lions.

Yellow and Black.

There were others- he remembered them...sorta. Red and Green and...Blue. Blue was his. She talked to him- he remembered loving her talking to him.

He knew these people.

He could only see two of them- one in yellow armor and another in red. Yellow...yellow was the big guy. The big guy that would want to know about the Jellies. Red- not as friendly- not friendly at all. He was reckless, thoughtless, and Lance didn't look like he did from...before.

Red wouldn't recognize him.

He couldn't let Red see him. Lance wanted to see the others. He yearned to see them. He wanted to stay like this, just- be able to see them while being hidden away from view, hidden so they couldn't find him in return.

He felt his chest pinch tightly at the thought they shouldn't ever see him again. It was true. All it would do was upset them.

He...didn't know why he had that thought.

He followed them through the pinching. Watched them from the forest. They checked the beach, walked along quietly, occasionally chatting. He didn't grow bored watching them, and he grew bored with almost everything.

Not with them.

He missed them far too much to get bored.

He wanted to hug yellow. Yellow gave great hugs, he could remember how they felt.

He wondered what Red's hugs felt like.

What the hell were their names? That was the worst part out of all of this. He wouldn't have suspected that- how much worse the pinching got when he could remember the names of people so vastly important to him.

Eventually they turned toward the forest, starting to head inward and Lance had to dodge away. It was getting dangerous. He should return to his camp and hide, make sure they didn't find him. "Quiet, I thought I heard something."

Lance froze as he heard Red's-

Keith's voice. His name was Keith.

It came to him like lightning as the voice rang to him.

He still sounded so serious, the big dingus.

"I dunno man, I didn't hear anything."

Hunk. Big yellow's name was Hunk.

He felt tears prickle at his eyes, remembering their names.

Finally. None of this made sense, but relief flooded him still.

Because he could remember.

He wiped at his eyes, and took in a deep breath. He needed to get going, couldn't let them find him.

Lance snuck forward, keeping an eye on where the two were stepping, darting from trees quietly as they pressed forward slowly. He cursed silently- they were slower than him, but every single time he changed direction they followed.

"Wait, did you see that?" Keith said. Lance had only a breath of time before a shot rang out, hitting the tree he was hiding behind.

Lance bolted.

"Keith, what the-!" he heard Hunk start, not sticking around long enough to listen to the rest.

He sprinted forward, hearing the other two behind him not used to the jungle. He was breaking away from them slowly. Another shot rang out, and he cried out in pain, the laser grazing his side. Quiznak, that fucking hurt! He didn't let it deter him, limping slightly as he ran, letting the wound flow. It shot spikes of unnatural fear and adrenaline in him- those weren't people he knew. Those were soldiers, and they would kill him given the chance, shoot him in the back while his head was turned. He could hear their boots clanging against the ground like metal on metal-

He almost collapsed from the shock, huffing breaths manically as he threw himself forward.

The wound at his side was tearing, but it wasn't as important as getting away from them- they would kill him. Shoot a hole through his back, just under his heart, right between his lungs. There would be so much blood.

And he'd be alone.

He didn't want to be alone like that ever again.

Lance stumbled as he felt his vision waver. A glance behind him- no one. No one was behind him. He was in the jungle. His side seared with pain, blood flowing from it steadily. He couldn't remember how long he'd run for. He- where was this? This wasn't his home.

Left. He needed to head left from here.

His first step was wobbly, but he regained his footing as he moved forward. The other two were gone, but they might show up again. He wasn't far from his home- he just needed to keep walking and he'd be fine. He held the wound tight, trying to stem the flow of blood.

It- it was pretty bad. It hadn't been that bad when he was shot, was it?

It took him ten minutes to get home. Lance wasn't thinking right as he stepped into the small clearing with the spring. He tried to lift himself into his tree, his side burning, stars dancing behind his eyes. His strength left him and he fell onto ground, hissing and gasping in pain.

He limped- when did he start limping this bad?- to the rock, sitting down, gasping in air. His head wasn't right. He felt restless, breathless, his heart was beating too fast. And his head was swimming, not directing how it should.

He heard voices. More than just Hunk and Keith, but he couldn't figure them out.

He needed to get out of here. He couldn't-

The rocks. He could hide in the pool, they wouldn't think to look there.

But...the Jellies...

Maybe he could slip through one of the cracks.

He had to try.

Lance started crawling up the rocks, trying to be quiet, gritting his teeth through the pain in his side.

He could hear the others on the other side of the elevated pool, but he still couldn't- their voices weren't going into his head right.

He was pretty sure he heard someone say the word blood.

Half way up and his vision started teetering. He didn't stop, closing his eyes against the vision, he just- he just needed-

Something gripped his shoulders gently, and Lance tried to pull away from it. It could only be one of them. He couldn't-

He couldn't...

They didn't let him go, tightening their grip just a little bit. Lance covered his face with his hands, the grip on his shoulders no longer impeded. It gently peeled him away from the rock, cradling him against a warm, large body.

Hunk. This was Hunk.

It felt like Hunk, smelled like Hunk. Lance whimpered in the man's arms, the guy saying something soothing he couldn't make out.

He wanted to cry.

*~~*~~*~~*

Shiro looked at the creature in Hunk's arms. It had bled a lot- the moment they'd heard the shot, Pidge and he started running, Allura joining them halfway there.

He had to use his mean leader voice to get Keith to stand down. Keith had already hit the thing, well enough that it was bleeding badly.

They followed the blood trail right to it.

"Pidge, what's in the rocks?"

"It's- it's some kind of membrane, with a natural spring below it. There are small gaps where the membrane attaches to the rocks and it has..." Pidge pulled on the ropes they saw, watching her draw up-

A wooden cup.

"What in the-" Allura said, looking at it.

"It must use this spring for water. These knots are pretty complex. Coran, do any legends talk about this?"

"Err- no. It is mentioned how elusive, yet bloodthirsty the Azuhom are?"

"Doesn't seem to fit the bill," Pidge muttered, still looking at the cup.

"It doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying," Hunk said.

"That could be from blood-loss, thank you Mr. Trigger-Happy over here."

"Hey! He was getting away, we needed a way to find him!"

"Shooting though, Keith? What if you'd seriously injured it?" Shiro said, stren. Keith huffed, crossing his arms and looking away.

"He's- guys he's uh- really not looking great," Hunk said.

"Alright, let's get it back to the fort. Coran, were you and Pidge ever able to get the old healing pods working?"

"Err- not exactly, I'm afraid. We still need a couple of days, maybe a week, then I'm sure we'd get them working!"

"We don't have a week, Coran."

"I can heal it, we just need to get it into a more stable environment," Allura said.

They started making their way back through the jungle, the Lions meeting them part of the way through, crashing through the trees.

Yeah, the Lutrusians were not going to be happy about that.

Shiro hopped into Black after Keith, letting the man lead the way, still not used to his Altean prosthetic.

He'd lost his connection to Black. He was no longer the leader of Voltron.

Honestly? He was more than fine with not being leader.

He missed Black desperately, though.

Shiro sighed as they started toward the fort. He'd been hoping it was Lance- that somehow- in some way-

But that had been naive of him. Lance was gone. They all had to accept that.

Besides, what was he supposed to say if it _was_ Lance?

Hunk carried the creature out of his lion, Coran immediately helping him take it to the infirmary. Pidge and Allura went with, gearing up to heal it. That left Keith and Shiro in the hanger alone.

He needed to say something to the other man.

"Keith..."

"Not right now Shiro."

"Then when, Keith?" The other was silent, "You can't keep doing this. Every mission you get more and more reckless- you could've seriously injured or killed-"

"I  _know_ Shiro!" Shiro took a sharp breath, not expecting the yell, "I know. But just being cooped up in here after everything, and just- I'm going crazy!"

"Then find an outlet," Shiro started, calmer this time, "You can't keep this level of hotheadedness up. The others can feel it. If you're going to lead Voltron you have to keep a clear head."

"So what outlet is there? How were you able to keep so calm in situations like this?"

Did crippling anxiety count?

Probably not great advice.

Shiro sighed, putting a hand on Keith's shoulder. It was still weird to see the other with as much muscle and height as he'd gained over the months he spent with the Blades.

"Well, meditation has been something that's helped in the past. Start there, give it a try."

Keith opened his mouth to respond when Hunk's voice rang through the comms.

"G-guys- you uh- we- there's something-"

"Get to the med bay. _Now_ ," Pidge cut in.

The two men shared a look before running off, the urgency in Pidge's voice clear.

They froze when they arrived, both standing in the doorway, unable to move their feet.

It- he was sitting on a medbay table, shirtless and shivering, arms wrapped around himself, side bandaged up. Shiro didn't know why Allura hadn't started healing him, but he couldn't form the words to ask.

Allura rounded the corner, coming up behind them, pushing them out of her way as she entered the room.

"What is going on, I leave for two ticks-"

She stopped and gasped, just as frozen as he and Keith.

They'd formed around him, all of them pinned as they looked at him. His gaze was centered squarely on the floor, not looking any of them in the eye.

This- this was beyond anything- everything-

Allura moved first, taking a small step forward.

His eyes slammed closed and he flinched backward at the movement.

Allura back pedaled for one moment- before trying a step forward again, his eyes still closed not able to see her.

Her voice cracked when she spoke.

"Lance?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, guess who was the major character death. And as guessed, Lance was in a casket when he woke up, the idea being it washed up on shore for a small while before drifting back out to sea during high tide.
> 
> So I'll admit to not having Keith down really well. I'm trying, and I hope I'm doing justice to his character, but I'm definitely struggling with him more than the others. Also got to Season 3 today, so heyo, getting through this show dag quick!
> 
> Can't wait to start on my next fic idea. Might get a chapter or two of it done before I finish this one, just for kicks. Who knows :3
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy!


	4. Fall Back In

Lance was tucked into a medbay bed, alone in the large room.  
  
All of them had cried. All of them. He felt worse than piss for upsetting them that much. He was pretty sure that's why Keith ran off too, which, that was awesome. Great.  
  
They thought he had died- or really, he  _had_ died, and now was back from the dead. The thought still made him shiver with horror.  
  
Allura hadn't been able to heal him- or not like she normally could. Something about his whole resurrection was messing with her ability.  
  
It was Hunk that mentioned maybe they should let him rest here. He was still woozy from the blood loss, it'd be best to keep him here in case his stitches split in the night.  
  
Not that he would know if they did. Alien painkillers were top notch.  
  
Coran came in with Hunk behind him, both checking on his status and vitals. It was early- he knew Coran was always up this early, but Hunk...there were large circles under his eyes, and Lance didn't have the heart to stop him.  
  
"Lance, my boy! How are you feeling this morning?" Coran's jubilance put a smile on his face.  
  
"Doing okay, Coran," He said shifting in place a bit.  
  
"I'd say so, you're able to speak again, always a good sign," Hunk walked up to him, sheepish, looking at Lance through his lashes.  
  
"Hey buddy," he said quietly.  
  
"Hunk, get over here and give me a hug already."  
  
He needed no further insistence.  
  
Hunk scooped him up from the bed, hugging him tight enough to be on the verge of uncomfortable.  
  
He still gave the best hugs. He remembered the feeling of these hugs, the spicy sweet scent that hoovered around him. The glorious glorious warmth.  
  
"Hunk, careful of the stitches," Coran chided.  
  
"Oh, shoot! Right, sorry."  
  
"Didn't even feel it, bud. They got me on that extra dank stuff," Lance said, voice still too weak even for his own ears. Hunk still huffed a laugh, pulling up a chair.  
  
"It's- it's good to have you back, Lance," Hunk said, plopping his head on Lance's chest. Lance oof'd, bringing his hands up to Hunk's scalp.  
  
He didn't say anything in return, just laid quietly, Hunk using him as a pillow. Coran had turned to face him, mouth open to start talking when he spied Hunk, rapidly falling asleep.  
  
Lance held up a finger- some rest would do Hunk a whole bunch of good. Coran simply nodded, walking over to him.  
  
"Whenever you're feeling a bit better, we should get you moving around a little. Get those legs back a walking!" he whispered.  
  
"I'll let you know," he whispered back, nodding his head toward Hunk. Coran smiled and nodded, clapping him on the shoulder once before heading out of the medbay.  
  
He felt the heaviness of Hunk's head against his torso with every inhale. Breathing was difficult, but he closed his eyes and enjoyed how it closed up the ache there, even if it was just temporary. Like this, the hurt was practically gone.  
  
Lance dozed with Hunk, every so often waking at a particularly loud snore on his best friend's part. He remembered getting used to this feeling, waking up, and passing back out at the drop of a hat.  
  
He tried to think of memories in his waking moments. Not the vague ones that came in feelings and smells and emotion- actual physical images and moments. He tried to think of his best friend, work forward from there, hoping desperately to find anything.  
  
It wasn't even chasing a dream- chasing a dream implied there was something there to begin with.  
  
He didn't even have the root of his memories left.  
  
Lance sighed as he woke up again, his throat and mouth dry. He needed a drink and...he was hungry? That...didn't really make sense- he hadn't needed to eat for weeks.  
  
But at this point, did anything make sense anymore? He wasn't sure why he was surprised.  
  
"Hunk, buddy. Hunk, time to wake up," Lance whispered, shaking the man laying on him gently. Hunk mumbled in response.  
  
"Just...5 more minutes..."  
  
"Hunk, I'm going to pee on you."  
  
Hunk grumbled something as he lifted his head off of Lance's chest. He blinked at Lance a couple times, eyes squinted. Lance chuckled, shaking his head.  
  
"Get a good nap?" he asked. Hunk gave a noncommittal hum in reply.  
  
Deep breath. Time to try and walk.  
  
Lance scooted to the edge, using Hunk's still sleepy shoulders to help him move off the edge of the bed.  
  
He hissed and almost fell the moment he put weight on his feet.  
  
Well, the pain meds were wearing off, holy shit.  
  
"Lance!" Hunk was up immediately, gently grabbing him under the arms, helping support his weight.  
  
"You really shouldn't push yourself," He said, setting Lance down in his recently vacated chair, "We should get Coran. He wanted to know when you were good, right?"

Lance didn't want to be a bother, waving Hunk off.

"It's not that bad, Hunk. Let's go get some food, I'm starved."

"Okay, just- just be careful, alright?"  
  
Hunk tried to carry him at first, and Lance promptly veto'd that one. They ended up in this odd hunchback situation, Hunk leaning down with Lance, arm under his shoulder, limping around the corridors of the fort.  
  
It worked. Kinda. So that was something.  
  
It still took way too long to get to the main common area and mess hall. Shiro was the only one there, and he shot to his feet when they entered. He hurried over to them, stopping a breath from the two, arms outstretched. Did he...want to help? He was just kind of standing there like a lemon.  
  
"Um. Shiro did- you want to-" Hunk started, getting awkward himself from the tension between them all. Shiro withdrew a bit, getting out of the way.  
  
"Sorry- you have it," Lance frowned at him. It wasn't what he remembered from the other man.  
  
Hunk set him down carefully, heading to get him some food. Lance took in a labored breath, exhaling it slowly. Quiznak, he was going to punch Keith the moment he saw him.  
  
"Is there- anything I can do to help?" Shiro asked. He was still standing a bit of a ways away, food and drink abandoned. Lance was starting to hate this very quickly. He shook his head, trying a smile. Shiro's furrowed brow meant it probably came off more as a grimace.  
  
"I'm good, Shiro, sorry for making you worry. Though Hunk's taking a while, I'd get back to your food before I steal it," Lance tried joking, not really putting enough energy into it to make it convincing.  
  
Shiro forced a chuckle, nodding. He stood in place another moment, eyes flashing between the Lance and the wall. He finally shuffled back to his own breakfast.  
  
It was so awkward. So painfully, painfully awkward and Lance really just wanted to sink into the floor right about now.  
  
He was saved by Hunk coming out with neon pink food goo.  
  
"It's- well it should taste...sweet?"  
  
"Why do I not like the sound of that?"  
  
It was as gross as it sounded. He vaguely remembered this- the texture was certainly locked into his memory. Made it easier to stomach, at least.  
  
Shiro finished pretty quickly, immediately heading off. It was...it was kind of nice in the end, which made him feel shitty to think. But there was so much tension in the room and he had no idea why. Why the heck was Shiro being such an awkward turtle around him? He remembered before- feeling a kind of... _anticipation_  whenever he was around Shiro, but not...this. This was ugly and painful.  
  
"Oh! Lance, I've been meaning to ask- what did you eat while you were on the island?" Hunk asked, a few moments after Shiro had left.  
  
Lance frowned. Should he tell the truth or...No. He should. If anyone deserved that, it was Hunk.  
  
"I um...I didn't," Lance admitted. Hunk's eyebrows shot up in surprise before furrowing down, scrutinizing him.  
  
"Hmmm. You were getting energy somehow, you haven't gone through any atrophy."  
  
"Maybe it was a side effect of...whatever happened?" Lance mentioned, pointing to all of him.  
  
"The blue is definitely weird," Hunk agreed, "and I have some theories. I want to ask Pidge and Coran before I test them though, see what they think."  
"Wha- test them?" Lance asked.  
  
Hunk grinned at him in return.  
  
That wasn't good.  
  
Hunk smiled, "Really though, it's nothing-" he started, cut off mid sentence, staring over Lance's shoulder. Lance turned to see what he was staring-  
  
Keith.  
  
Keith? Why was he staring at Keith?  
  
Lance didn't have a lot of time to question it before the other scowled, turned, and stomped off the way he came.

Hey, wait a second- he needed to punch that guy!  
  
"Well, if that didn't make me feel at home, I don't know what would," Lance said, managing to get some lightheartedness into his tone. Hunk snorted before sighing.  
  
"Yeah, Keith's been extra....Keith-y recently," Hunk said, swallowing a bit of his own goo, "Okay, this was not a good choice," he grimaced.  
  
"I dunno know, it- it grows on you?" Lance tried. Hunk shook his head, taking another bite with a cringe.  
  
They finished slowly, chatting about nothing important- what Hunk added to the goo, what shade of blue Lance was (he was preferential to Cornflower himself.) They were finishing when he suggested they play some Gameflux.  
  
"Pidge likes games right? I feel like they like games."  
  
"They do and we're definitely inviting them along!"  
  
"Did someone say something about Gameflux?"  
  
Both Hunk and Lance screamed, Lance jumping to Hunk. Hunk grabbed him out of reflex.  
  
Vaguely, heart beating a mile a minute, Lance wondered how often this happened.  
  
Pidge rose an unimpressed eyebrow at them.  
  
"Pidge, don't scare us like that!" Hunk said, gently separating from him.  
  
"Are we playing games or aren't we?" They asked, crossing their arms.  
  
"Yes? Yes, we are. Have anything in mind?" Pidge grinned wickedly. This wouldn't be good, would it?  
  
__  
  
Keith ground his teeth, trying to keep calm. He'd been doing a good job- hell, a great job.  
  
And then Lance forgot about him. Forgot about _all_ of them.  
  
Keith knew he wasn't the most approachable person. Or approachable at all, really. As much as he hated it, it took him time to warm up to people, and even longer for people to warm up to him. It took Lance the better part of a year.  
  
And now the guy he was crushing own had forgotten he existed. Literally.  
  
Keith threw his pillow against the wall, huffing in frustration. He didn't mean to show his anger so openly. And he really had done a good job controlling it. The Blades had made sure he worked on it heavily.  
  
But when he saw Lance die, everything he'd been taught had gone down the drain. His meditations did nothing, he couldn't even concentrate on them most days. Even battle simulations had lost their ability to calm him down. They were an annoying distraction, that was it.  
  
Keith hadn't even realized what it was at first- he had to go _talk_ about it. And the only person he trusted enough for that was Shiro, and Shiro had enough problems to deal with.  
  
In the end, he'd still given in- after the whole vacation on Baradwys debacle, with the beach and the guitar- he needed to talk to someone. So. Shiro.  
  
Keith had that dumb Boardwalk song played at him. And he actually _liked_ it.  
  
Keith punched the wall. Even thinking about that- that Lance forgot that whole evening.  
  
He couldn't see Lance's face without seething.  
  
And after everything he was only crushing on the guy even harder. Which just pissed him off more.  
  
Because it took Lance dying for Keith to figure out just how much he'd miss him.  
  
And the only person he could talk to was Shiro. Shiro, who Keith thought he'd finally gotten-  
  
Keith took in a deep breath, trying to calm his raging emotions. He had to settle down. He was going to hurt himself or someone else.  
  
Not that he hadn't already. He'd seen to that with Lance.  
  
How was he suppose to know the guy had been resurrected?  
  
Keith punched the wall again, grunting when his knuckles split.  
  
He sighed. Coran was going to be ticked at him. Gave him something to do besides seeth though. Keith left, heading for the medbay, hoping he could find Coran sooner rather than later.  
  
\---  
  
Lance gave Pidge a deadpanned look as they, yet again, killed his party.  
  
Apparently, Killbot Phantasm II had a pvp game mode. And, lo and behold, Pidge had the meanest competitive streak he'd ever seen.  
  
Which, okay, wasn't much considering he hadn't seen like, anyone, but it was hard to think of anyone being as ruthless as them.  
  
Hunk huffed crossing his arms. They'd played the co-op mode for a good few hours before Pidge asked them to try 'Heroes Arena Battle!'  
  
After their 3rd loss Lance and Hunk tried teaming up on Pidge.  
  
They somehow lost even faster than before.  
  
"Okay, I think I'm good for a bit," Lance said, tossing his controller on the couch.  
  
"Ditto," Hunk said, stretching backward.  
  
Pidge stuck their tongue out at them, "Sore losers."  
  
"The only thing that's sore after that is my ego," Lance said rubbing at the back of his neck. He definitely couldn't take anymore punishment. Besides, his eyes hurt something awful.  
  
"I'll say. Pidge, how much have you been playing that?"  
  
Their friend turned away with a sheepish look on their face, "Not _that_ long. You guys just suck."  
  
"Hey, I have an excuse," Lance said, leaving that in the air. The other two froze at the comment, before trying to play it off.  
  
Alright, definitely no jokes about him dying then. Humor might be a coping mechanism for him as he was finding out, but if it made others uncomfortable or worse, hurt them, he needed to find a new one.  
  
"Haha- yeah I'm just a baddie," Hunk said, trying to play off. Lance looked away from them, guilt brushing against his sternum.  
  
There was an ocean of melancholy that surrounded him. He knew it was a storm before. Before his- before everything. But it wasn't something that went away.  
  
Playing games with Hunk and Pidge? It'd helped a lot, and he completely forgot the melancholy hurt was hanging over him.  
  
That relaxed feeling had shattered.  
  
"Well uh- I should probably- you guys have training right?" Lance said. He had no idea if they had training.  
  
"No, Allura gave us some time off. Otherwise we'd be half dead in the sim room at the moment," Hunk said. There was a few beats of silence, tension ramping up with each second.  
  
Pidge broke it first, sighing and turning off the console.  
  
"Hunk, go show baddie number 2 where his room is," and thank you for that save because apparently he couldn't function anymore without making everything super awkward.  
  
"Oh yeah! That's a great idea!" Hunk started jumping up. He held a hand out for Lance. Hunk clapped an arm around his shoulder after he helped the other up.  
  
"See ya Pidge!"  
  
"Yeah. Thanks for letting me kick your butts!" They called after the two men. Lance chuckled as they veered down the hallway.  
  
"So we kept your room pretty much the same. I don't think anyone's really gone in, so- that's good, right?"  
  
"Um," Lance started, confused, "Why do I have a room here still?"  
  
Hunk stopped in place looking at him, an expression of deep hurt on his face.  
  
"N-not that I mind! Like, it's nice that you guys kept it around, still have all my stuff, but like- I'm not a part of Voltron anymore so-"  
  
Lance stopped mid sentence at the face Hunk was making at him. The other man sniffled once before grabbing Lance into a giant hug..  
  
To be honest, it was freaking wonderful- Lance had no idea how Hunk managed to dodge his stitches. This was something he'd needed for a while.  
  
"Are you kidding? Of course you're still part of Voltron!"  
  
"Who said Lance wasn't still part of Voltron!?"  
  
Hunk and Lance looked as Allura started walking down the hallway to them, a scowl on her face.  
  
"Who said Lance wasn't a part of Voltron?" She repeated, arms crossed glaring daggers at Hunk.  
  
"Um-"  
  
"Lance did!" Hunk said, burying his face into Lance's chest. Lance chuckled nervously, the scowl falling from Allura's face.  
  
"Lance- why would you think you weren't still part of Voltron?" Allura asked, face fallen. Lance couldn't look either of them in the eye.  
  
"Cause...I'm not a paladin anymore?"  
  
Hunk gripped him tighter and quiznak it was getting difficult to breath. Allura sighed at him, joining in on the group hug, though she was much more gentle.  
  
"Lance, you will _always_ be a paladin. You might not be in a place to fly a lion, but after all, neither was Keith. Neither was Shiro, and neither was I. That doesn't mean you aren't a part of Voltron, and it certainly doesn't mean you aren't a paladin."  
  
Lance teared up, burrowing his face into Hunk's hair, his friend gripping him tighter, and he was almost okay with Hunk keeping him together.  
  
Lance remembered the lions in his head- remembered this connection, a tether to each other, cool and relaxing. He remembered the feeling of love and hope and compassion, of a connection deeper than the ocean.  
  
That connection was gone.  
  
He knew it was the connection to the Lions- he assumed Blue, given that everyone else's color matched their armor except for Allura.  
  
He knew he wasn't a paladin, no matter what Allura said- how could he be a paladin without a lion?  
  
It hurt, a claw tightening in his chest, and he only understood why vaguely because he couldn't remember. _Anything_. All there was was this innate sense of hurt and longing and alienation.  
  
He felt like a burden and crybaby for all of this. But he was still glad they stayed hugging in the hallway. He was finding out he was a very contact heavy person, and damn was Hunk good at giving hugs. Allura was doing the best she could, considering Hunk was like, twice as big as her  
  
"Can't breath- Hunk," Lance finally said, having calmed down significantly. Hunk unwound, but kept Lance loosely in his grip.  
  
"Ew, snot monster," Lance said, Hunk and Allura chuckling. As Hunk blew his nose, Allura turned Lance around, grabbing him into a hug. Not as good as Hunk, but still solid.  
  
"Lance, you've been through so much recently- more than I'm sure anyone else here knows about. Please, if the need should arise, don't hesitate to call on us. You are no burden and all of us care about you deeply. We want to see you well again."  
  
Lance sniffled, but held back his tears, plopping his head down on Allura's shoulder. It hurt to hear. The idea that people enjoyed his company? He wanted that knowledge, craved it- but it hurt.  
  
He nodded into Allura's shoulder even through his own dubiousness. Hunk rejoined, gentle this time, rubbing his back softly.  
  
"Really Lance. If there's anything just let us know," Hunk said. Lance inhaled a shuddering breath, taking his face from Allura's shoulder he smiled at Hunk, butting the other with his head.  
  
"Even if you need a shoulder to cry on for a bit, bud. Just come see one of us, okay?" Lance frowned nodding, "And heck it's nice for us too, just to have you around and be able to comfort you."  
  
"I just," Lance started, "I know I felt this way from- Before, I just can't remember _why_."  
  
"And that's okay Lance," Allura said, "As frustrating as it is, sometimes we don't know the whys or hows. It doesn't lessen what we feel."  
  
Lance took another deep breath, smile coming to his face. This wasn't exactly what he needed- what he needed was to get his head on straight. But it was damn good nonetheless. He could talk to them, lean on them a bit during all of this. He wouldn't do it too much, he felt like a burden as is, but what Hunk said made sense. He liked comforting people too- or thought he'd like it at least.  
  
When things got too much, he'd let them help.  
  
It brought a question to his mind.  
  
"Even Keith?" Lance asked, only a bit peevish.  
  
Both looked stunned for a moment, eyes bugging, sharing a quick glance.  
  
"Uh-"  
  
"Well I don't know-"  
  
Lance laughed at their reactions, getting two eye rolls for his mischief.  
  
"Alright, was there anything else Lance?" Allura asked, exasperated.  
  
"A kiss?" Lance said, leaning to the princess. A pair of big, sloober filled lips smacked against his cheek.  
  
"Hunk!" Lance cried out with a laugh, pressing to get away from him. Allura laughed, shaking her head as she left.  
  
"Glad you're feeling better, Lance," she said before turning the hallway.  
  
Lance pouted at his friend who was grinning at him.  
  
"What? You didn't say from who."  
  
They walked the rest of the way, Lance content, Hunk's arm heavy over his shoulders.  
  
He knew his door the moment he spotted it.  
  
He still let Hunk lead him there.  
  
"So uhh- yeah. This is it!" Hunk said, opening the door. He stepped inside.  
  
Lance was immediately hit with melancholy nostalgia. He knew this place. It smelled- not like home exactly, but something like it. The scent of the Castle faint, still lingering on his armor and clothing mixed with oils that smelled of sea water and sand.  
  
"We really didn't move anything- err, as far as I know," Hunk said, hovering at the door. Lance shook his head.  
  
"It's not like I would know," he joked, flopping down on his bed, face into his pillows. He sighed in the scents of his bed, loving the familiarity.  
  
"Hey Hunk?" Lance said, face still in his bed.  
  
"Yeah! What's up dude?" the man rushed over to him immediately. Lance held out his fist.  
  
"You're one hella great friend, my guy," Lance said, turning his face to the other. Hunk grinned at him, blushing a bit and tapped his fist against Lance's.  
  
"Thanks Lance. Do you uh- want some time or-?" Hunk asked, looking at the door.  
  
Lance shrugged.  
  
"Yeah, I guess a little might be nice. Then you'll have to take me on a tour of the rest of this crazy fort."  
  
Hunk nodded.  
  
"Sure thing, buddy. Come grab me when you're good- err, do you remember how to get to the commons? Good, alright- yeah, see you then!"  
  
The door closed behind him with a last wave as Lance sat up on his bed. Time to explore his room, see if any memories came up.  
  
\---  
  
Lance groaned in his sleep. It felt- it felt like something was squirming. Like something was wriggling around under his skin. He scratched and rubbed at the sensation, trying to get it to stop. It just started pulsing harder, the sensation moving around in his skin, growing in size- down his side, over his ribs, over his abdomen. Lance started gasping out rubbing furiously at his skin gasping in fearful breaths, scratching into his skin to get it _out_ -  
  
"Lance!"  
  
He was gasping in air, someone shaking him awake.  
  
"Lance, wake up!"  
  
"I-"  
  
"Lance, what the hell?" Pidge.  
  
Pidge was standing in front of him, which- he was also standing.  
  
"I- Pidge what- what's going on?"  
  
"Uh- you were sleep walking, then started to freak out," They said, taking a step forward, looking at his stomach. Lance hissed in pain.   
  
"You scratched yourself up pretty good- you're lucky you didn't pop your stitches. What were you even dreaming about?"  
  
"I-" Was he dreaming? It very very much did not feel like it, "I- there uh- there was something under my skin just- wiggling around," he shivered, could almost still feeling moving around his body.  
  
"Explains the scratches," Pidge said, adjusted their glasses. They sighed taking a step back, "You okay?" Lance nodded, "Alright. It's late and you should be resting so go head back."  
  
"Wait- if it's late, what are you doing up?"  
  
Pidge scoffed at him.  
  
"Uh- I already got like 2 hours of sleep? I'm set. _You_ on the other hand need a lot more than that, so get going."  
  
Lance looked at them a bit dumbstruck, before grinning at Pidge. Pidge narrowed their eyes taking a step back.  
  
"Don't you dare."  
  
Lance ran forward, grabbing the teen before they could flee, picking them up from the ground with a hug. He did one twirl before setting them down, Pidge's punching and kicking too practiced to keep it going.  
  
"Ow ow! Okay, there. Geez, how the heck is your aim that good?"  
  
"Practice," Pidge huffed, turning away.  
  
"Uh- not sure how to get back to my room."  
  
He could feel the other's eye-roll in his soul.  
  
"Come on," Pidge grumbled, grabbing his arm and leading him forward.  
  
He knew the layout of the fort. He just didn't want to walk back to his room alone. He's pretty sure Pidge knew both of those things.  
  
"Thanks Pidge, " Lance said, heading for his room when they reached his hallway.  
  
"Uh, Lance," Lance turned back. Pidge was looking at the ground, brow furrowed, "If you uh- need to talk or anything. You know where my room is?"  
  
Lance smiled softly.  
  
"Yeah I do."  
  
"Good. And you better not forget it again."  
  
He was pretty sure that was an actual threat.  
  
"Have a good night Pidge."  
  
"Yeah yeah, go back to sleep nerd."  
  
Lance slipped into his room and back into bed a moment later. He was still raw, desperately wanteda shower...in the morning. More sleep right now, please and thank you.  
  
He turned onto his side, mind worrying for just a moment about just what was going on with his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments ahhhh!! So I typically reply to everyone who comments, cause I find it a nice way to engage- however, a friend mentioned it made them uncomfortable when artists did that so- thank yuo everyone who comments, it's always wonderful to hear your opinions!
> 
> Also, I'm going to be doing entry pieces for the [Orion Shklance Zine](https://shklancezine.tumblr.com/). This might cause delays on chapters for the second part. For part 1, I'll be trying to get the last of the chapters out before the next season (fingers crossed!)
> 
> Also, Lance knows those dank old af memes: [It's from Fable I](https://youtu.be/9gG2XQMhsgQ?list=PLWlXHWuO4hgadE0MSyhnzv9hUlxyo9jim&t=317)


	5. The Bittersweet Between

Lance yawned shuffling his way to breakfast. It'd been a little while since the whole sleepwalking incident. He'd been here...almost five days now? It felt weird to think about.   
  
The other paladins had training regularly. He'd been invited to training once- was just going to be combat practice. He declined with a smile, not wanting to interfere. His stitches were already mostly healed, which hey crazy healing powers apparently came with death now so. That was nice?  
  
He did very liberally use the gym though. It was one of the only things he could really do besides gaming and exploring- though to be fair, exploring was freaking awesome!  
  
There were so many nooks and crannies in the fort. Like, three hallways down from the cargo bay there was this maintenance tunnel thing, that led to the main tunnel chamber, and way deep inside _that_ was what Lance was pretty sure was an unfinished room. And yeah, maybe he got lost once or twice but honestly? Totally worth.   
  
Though, it was super disgusting and he never would've done any of this if he wasn't so incredibly _bored_. It took three showers to make him feel human again.  
  
It was just- a large empty room. Well- empty as far as he knew, it was pitch black, not a light to be found. He had to go back with a flashlight or something- who knew what was in there!  
  
Man, it could be treasure or- or maybe a secret passage to a different part of the ship! Or what if-  
  
"...is what I think Lance would want."  
  
Lance stopped as he approached the mess hall. Someone was...talking about him? He frowned sneaking, like a total ninja, up to the entrance of the door, hiding just beyond so he couldn't be seen.  
  
"I dunno man, he seemed pretty content with me and Allura when we were hugging in the hallway," Hunk said. He had to peek. Just a little. Besides, he'd be super sneaky about it. Hunk was sitting in a chair, hands in his lap.  
  
"Yes, but he's refused every offer to come train with us," Shiro was leaning against the wall arms crossed, "I think he just wants space."  
  
"I'm with Hunk on this one. If that was all he wouldn't game with me as much as he does," Pidge, sitting at the table, one arm holding up their head.  
  
"You two play alone- every time a group activity comes up he ducks out immediately." Allura, sitting with Coran at the head of the table.  
  
"Okay first, Hunk does join in sometimes, a baddie though he is,"   
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Second, the only group things we've invited him to are Voltron stuff. Hey let's go train, hey let's practice in the lions we could use a spotter, hey let's do this other thing that will low-key exclude you."  
  
Pidge talking sense. That was about right.  
  
"That's a fair point," Shiro said with a sigh.  
  
"So we have a group night?" Hunk asked, hopeful lit to his voice.  
  
He could feel the impressive eye game Coran and Allura would be flashing at one another.  
  
"Alright fine-" Allura said. Hunk and Pidge high-fived with a yes, "But! Other than that we give him space, let him come to us. Shiro is the only one with experience in this so we should listen to his advice."  
  
"I know that's what I needed- just some space to let things process."  
  
"Fine fine, we get it, we won't be overly bothering."  
  
Allura raised an eyebrow at Hunk. Hunk sighed flopping onto the table.  
  
"Just putting it out there that I don't like it," he pouted.  
  
"Very good then! Keith, did you have anything you wanted to add?" Coran asked. Lance had to duck behind the door, as Coran's gaze shot over to him.  
  
"Nope," Keith was close. Like on the other side of the wall close.  
  
"Are you sure? This whole meeting was made so we could express our opinions-"  
  
"Yeah, and I don't have an opinion," Keith snapped at Coran.  
  
"Keith!" Allura said with a frown. Mullet boy grumbled an apology. Lance just rolled his eyes- why was the guy so ticked at him anyway? Then again, he remembered that being a usual thing. Though he was pretty sure he instigated a lot...  
  
"Alright everyone, I think that's all. Let's figure out the when and wheres at another point, by my calculations," Lance started moving, faking rubbing his eyes, "he should be here- ah! Lance my boy, good morning!"  
  
Lance smiled with a yawn, "Yeah, morning. Hey we don't happen to have any coffee on board, do we?"  
  
"Err- coffee?"  
  
"Since when do you drink coffee?" Hunk asked. Lance shrugged in reply. heading toward food already at the table. Coran and Allura dispersed.  
  
"This mine?" he asked, getting a nod from Hunk, "great, I'm starving!"  
  
He sat down and had just taken a bite when something slammed behind him. He jumped in place whipping around to watch Keith's retreating form, stomping off to parts unknown.  
  
Lance frowned, watching him a moment, before turning back to the others. He wasn't sure Pidge even heard it, typing away nonplussed at their computer. Hunk was frowning, looking in Keith's direction. Shiro had gotten off the wall, and was now awkwardly hovering halfway toward Lance.  
  
"Err- hey- uh- Lance."  
  
"Heyuh Shiro," He taking another bite of the go before swallowing, "How you doing this morning?"  
  
The man shuffled in place, fingers on his Altean arm fiddling.  
  
"Oh you know- good. Uh, how about you? Is your side still bothering you?"  
  
This was just getting...Shiro, literal walking Adonis Shiro, getting nervous around him.  
  
It would've been endearing if Lance felt like he'd actually like- done something to earn it. Like gone on a date, or put his sweet moves on the guy.  
  
"Not since a couple days ago. Been a bit tired recently though."  
  
Shiro seemed to perk up at that.  
  
"Oh, are you having trouble sleeping?"  
  
"Not- no, I just sleep like, ten hours and then wake up exhausted." Bite and swallow. Shiro frowned with a hum.  
  
"Maybe you're waking up at night and just don't know it? I know that used to happen to my little sister," Hunk said, getting up from the table and stretching.  
  
That hit a bit closer to something he was definitively ignoring at the moment.  
  
"Yeah, could be."  
  
"Huh- well if there's anything I can do, just- let me know," Shiro said.  
  
"Can do, will do, my dude," Lance said, grabbing another bite.   
  
Shiro nodded standing for an awkward moment before rushing out the door.  
  
Lance looked up to see Pidge staring at him. He made a face at them- then another when they didn't even blink.  
  
"Hey guys is it just me or is Shiro acting really weird?" Hunk asked, still looking at the door Shiro left through.  
  
"Whu d'ya men?" Lance said, mouthful. Pidge rolled their eyes at him.  
  
"Just- with the weird talking and awkwardness."  
  
"Yeah, of anyone I'd expect Lance to be awkward," Pidge said, eyes back to their laptop.  
  
"Hey, what's that suppose to mean?" Lance asked, facing the other, "Maybe he's just falling for this beautiful face."  
  
"Well not accounting for taste," Pidge mumbled.   
  
"I heard that!"  
  
"That was the point, dingus."  
  
"Guys come on, I'm serious."  
  
Pidge sighed, closing their laptop and facing Hunk.  
  
"He only gets that way around Lance. He's probably just feeling a lot of guilt and stuff from- Before," Pidge said. Lance could barely hear the stumble in their words, but it was there, "You know how hard Shiro is on himself."  
  
"Yeah...yeah, you're probably right.  
  
"Is no one here even considering that he might just be falling for me? Really, just me?"  
  
"Just you," they deadpanned at the same time.  
  
Lance pouted, focusing his attention on his food. Pidge sighed, opening their laptop back up, continuing to type, as Hunk paced back and forth, something on his mind.  
  
It took a very short amount of time for Pidge to speak up.  
  
"Okay, before you dig a hole in the floor, what's bothering you?"  
  
"Just- Shiro's been super awkward around Lance, and Keith's been getting super angry- you don't think they had like- a fight about him, do you?"  
  
"Hmm...now that you- Lance, don't even think about saying it," Aww he really wanted to make a love triangle joke, "yeah it is a bit strange."  
  
"Does- does Keith blame me for something? And he confided in Shiro like- maybe when- those things happened, it caused a big problem for them-"  
  
"I'm gunna stop you right there, buddy. We were there, and you most certainly did not cause anything," Lance's gut still rippled with anxious sadness, though he clung to Hunk's words for life.  
  
"I agree. If anything he's probably mad because you made him actually have a feeling," Pidge said, venom pouring from their voice. They were typing away at their laptop, unaware of the shocked look Lance was sending them. He looked to Hunk- also shocked at the venom in Pidge's tone- trying to figure it out.  
  
"Uhhh- you mad at Keith, Pidge?" Lance asked.  
  
"You aren't? He could've killed you, Lance," They said, shooting him a glare.  
  
"Yeah, but he didn't. And I'd rather just...try and put this behind us and move on," Lance said. Though he was going to get his punch in.  
  
Pidge closed their laptop, "Lance- you weren't here. He's been getting crazier and crazier. He's spiraling, and it's gone to get someone killed."  
  
Lance frowned, "Okay, so have a talk with him?"  
  
They gave him a deadpanned look, "Really. Talk. With _Keith_."  
  
"It can't really be that bad, right?"  
  
Pidge stared at him, before scoffing, "I have to calibrate some things," they grumbled, sliding out of the room.   
  
Lance gave Hunk a helpless look, the other shrugging in response.   
  
"They didn't mean anything. Pidge is really fed up with Keith's attitude. He's suppose to be leading us now, ya know? He really did almost kill you, Lance," Hunk said, moving to stand next to Lance.  
  
"Okay yeah, good point. Thank Quiznak he's such a terrible shot," Hunk snorted at the jib, running fingers through Lance's buzzed hair.  
  
"Hey I'd be careful saying that. He'd go on a warpath, with how tightly wound he is."  
  
Lance agreed, getting up from the table. He probably should've eaten more, but ah well.  
  
"Got anything you're doing about now?" Lance asked as he followed his friend.  
  
Hunk frowned, rubbing the back of his neck.  
  
"Yeah, I got to get some work done on a couple projects- and one is a surprise for someone, so I kinda have to do it alone," He said sheepishly.  
  
"A surprise? Hunk you gotta tell me! Buddy, friend, I need this information!"  
  
"Lance no, then it wouldn't be a surprise," Hunk said, "Ugh, I already said too much just- keep it quiet okay?"  
  
Lance pouted at him, but nodded with an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Fine, but you better tell me when you're giving it to the person."  
  
"Yeah, you'll be the first- or errr- second to know," Hunk said. They walked toward his room, chatting about Gameflux.  
  
"Alright I'll catch you later Lance."  
  
"Yeah, dude- oh wait! You don't happen to have a flashlight, do you?"  
  
"Hmm...no, I don't think so. I mean, Pidge might, but besides the armor-"  
  
"Nah, the armor wouldn't fit. Thanks man, I'll go ask Pidge."  
  
"Wait- wouldn't fit, what-?" Hunk started, but Lance was already down the hall, too excited to turn back.  
  
What could possibly be in that room?  
  
He knocked on Pidge's door, getting a grunt in response.  
  
"Hey- ugh! Pidge, _what_ in the Quiznak is that smell?"  
  
"Hmm? What smell?"  
  
"That- you know what, nevermind," Lance said, covering his nose, "Do you have a flashlight?"  
  
Pidge stopped typing, thinking.  
  
"I'm not sure. Maybe under the CCM Beryllium ion taper?"  
  
"The CM what?"  
  
"Tiny box. Blue. Looks like a smiley emote."  
  
Lance looked around- hey that was a pretty apt description.  
  
Lance picked it up.  
  
The smell wafted into his face from whatever weird electronic object was there.  
  
"Pidge, what the hell?! Ugh!"  
  
"Hm? Oh! The Sulfuric resistors! I knew I left them around here somewhere," they said, reaching over for them, "Sorry, don't think I have one. Maybe ask Hunk?"  
  
"Ugh, he said I should ask you," Lance grumbled, leaning his face out the door so he could breath.  
  
"Well maybe Allura?" they said.  
  
"Yeah, might as well. Thanks Pidge," Lance said, booking it out of the other's room. Holy Crow, what the hell did they have in there?  
  
Whatever.  
  
He tried Allura next, the princess sitting in the meeting room going over a potential diplomatic mission.  
  
"Allura- oh what's that?"  
  
"Hmm? Oh, hello Lance. It's the Yargul system. I've been...thinking about making an envoy to the main planet," she switched screens away from it, "It's nothing, just something I'm still planning out. What did you need?"  
  
"Oh! Right, you wouldn't happen to have a flashlight, would you?"   
  
"Hmmm...besides the armor? No, I'm sorry I don't. Maybe Pidge or Hunk?" Lance groaned, turning around.  
  
"Tried them already, thanks though Princess!"  
  
"Of course. If I may ask, why do you need a flashlight?"  
  
"Just doing some exploring!" Lance called back.   
  
"What? Lance- be careful, we do not know what this place holds!"  
  
He wasn't sure where to go next. He doubted Shiro had one. Keith might, knowing how paranoid he was, but Lance didn't really feel like opening that bag of worms.  
  
Maybe Coran? The Altean might at least know where to-  
  
Lance cried out, body flailing at the person that startled him.  
  
Keith gave him an unimpressed look.  
  
"Keith! What the hell, man, I could've killed you!"  
  
Keith snorted at that, rolling his eyes.  
  
"Here," he said shortly. Lance frowned at the object being shoved into his hands.  
  
"What-?"   
  
It was a flashlight. Just a pocket one, but still. He tested it out- pretty bright, especially considering how small it was.  
  
"Thanks Keith, but how did you know I was looking for one?"  
  
"You're loud," Keith deadpanned, before turning on his heels starting to stalk off.  
  
Lance- didn't want things to be like this. He remembered, for just a little while, the two of them actually getting along. Really enjoying each other. He didn't really feel it unless he was by himself, daydreaming about him and Keith but...it was there.  
  
"Wait a sec Keith- would you uhh-" he paused as the other stopped, sighed, and turned his head, "I'm exploring part of the fort. Want to come?"  
  
Keith looked perplexed, turning halfway toward him.  
  
"You're...exploring the fort."  
  
"Uh, yeah? There's little places all- well, all over the place that it doesn't seem like anyone's even touched in years which- I guess makes sense cause of the whole empire collapse thing, but still."  
  
Keith frowned at him, and for just a moment, Lance thought he was going to accept.  
  
Then the man huffed.  
  
"Shouldn't you be resting? Don't be pushing yourself, that's stupid," and turned walking away.  
  
Lance flinched back at the comment, felt it stab into his chest. He scowled at the man, about to retort-  
  
  
  
' _Not everyone is going to like you Lance. That's just the way it is.' He was sitting on Marco's lap, even though he was nine now, and his Mami said he was too old for it. Marco didn't care- he just wanted to make sure everyone felt their best._  
  
_'But it's the only thing I'm good at. What do I do if I can ever get people to like me?'_  
  
_'Woah hey,' Marco started, pushing Lance away enough to look him in the eye, 'what do you mean it's the only thing you're good at? You're good at plenty of things! You can already surf better than Lou or Vee, and they're how many years older than you?'_  
  
_'Yeah, but it's not like surfing matters,' Lance grumbled._  
  
_Marco sighed, hugging Lance close again._  
  
_'Lance, the only thing that matters are the things that make you and the people you care for happy. You can play guitar_ and _you're learning piano, you can dance like a maniac, and you're amazing at learning languages."_  
  
_Lance pouted._  
  
_'I only know three. Vee already knows like 11 million.'_  
  
_'Yeah, and she's also 11 years older than you. And you have something I know she doesn't- you care about people so deeply. It doesn't matter when or why, if you even think someone or something is in pain, you give your entire self to helping them.'_  
  
_'I guess...'_

_Marco sighed, giving Lance a sad smile._  
  
_'You know, Gran gave me some advice when I was a kid.'_  
  
_Lance cuddled in close, eager to hear it._  
  
_'If I tell you you have to promise and swear that you won't tell anyone. Not even a word, ever,' Marco said, serious._  
  
_'I promise!' Lance said, hushed, intent on getting this secret._  
  
_'Pinky swear?' Marco asked, holding out his finger._  
  
_Lance considered it for a moment. He didn't go back on his pinky swears, not now not ever. Would it be worth it to never say anything about this again?_  
  
_He hooped his pinky with his brother's, shaking it once._  
  
_'Alright- so. When I was about sixteen, I introduced the family to Ellie.'_  
  
_'Oh, she was the one with the rainbow hair!'_  
  
_'I- you remember that? You were four!'_  
  
_'Uhh, of course I do. Keep going!'_  
  
_'I- alright, yeah, so we ended up breaking up and Gran heard about it and told me I was better off, which made me upset and start crying. So she didn't mean to do that, so she came over and sat me down and she said, "Marc, in this world there are going to be people like Ellie- there's going to be a whole lot of them. They all want you to make them like you. Those people- they're parasites, and you need to steer clear from them.'_  
  
_'And I said, "I don't understand, what do you mean?" And she says, 'that girl- when you introduced her to us, you know how she acted? She was rude, nasty, and entitled. And Vee told me she treated you like that at first too. You treated her kindly, and she still acted that way. But when you went out of your way? Bent over backwards for her? Then she decided you were worth her time. Don't ever give the time of day to people like that. It's not your job to make people like you. All you need to do is be kind and be yourself.'_  
  
_Lance stared wide-eyed at his brother, committing the conversation to heart._  
  
_'Do you understand, little Lanza?' Marco asked quietly._  
  
_Lance nodded vigorously._  
  
_'Some people want a lot more than what they deserve,' he said confidently._  
  
_'Well... well maybe- you know what, yeah, that's pretty much it,' Marco said with a laugh, 'and she said one other thing too!'_  
  
_'What's that?'_  
  
_'For everyone like that, hold up your finger and say loud and clear, 'Chinga tu Madre!'_  
  
_Lance gasped, slapping him lightly._  
  
_'Gran never said that!'_  
  
_'She did too, I swear it! And remember- you pinky promised!'_  


  
  
Lance was staring at the empty spot Keith had been.   
  
He had such mixed feelings about these. He'd heard of PTSD flashbacks- of people feeling like they reliving a memory. What he'd never heard of was people rewatching a memory. He shook his head, the words of it echoing in his mind still.  
  
_'It's not your job to get people to like you.'_  
  
Lance turned away, heading toward the hallway he'd found the room in. He knew things weren't that simple with Keith- okay, part of it was, the guy was a bit of an ass. But he knew there was something there that really touched him before Everything.  
  
He'd be in his room alone thinking about his friends, and Keith would pop up and he'd just imagine what it'd be like for the guy not to be mad at him and...  
  
And he didn't have to imagine. Because he'd felt it. He _knew_ it, and he remembered it somehow, and it was important. It was so important.  
  
The only other thing that felt as important was Shiro. When Shiro came to his mind- it felt excited He didn't know why, the feeling was so much foggier than Keith but...it was there, quiet and persistent.   
  
It made him ache for the memories that caused those feelings.  
  
_'All you need to do is be kind and be yourself.'_  
  
He hoped Keith came around. It would make all of this easier on everyone, especially Shiro. Not to mention, he didn't want to see Keith so riled up either- it wasn't an enjoyable sensation, and it frustrated Lance that he couldn't help, couldn't figure out just what was bothering him.   
  
Either way, Lance threw his hand behind him, flicking Keith off, wherever he was now.  
  
"Chinga tu madre, Mullethead," Lance said, because although he didn't mean it at all, it certainly helped cool his temper.


	6. Inside my Head

The path was dustier than he remembered.  
  
Lance grimaced because _this was so fucking gross_. He understood why no one would bother cleaning this part of things but like- not even the yearly power wash? The Galra were here for months, you'd think they would've done something.  
  
He wiggled the last of his body out of the small opening, shaking and patting himself off. He had to stay kneeling for this part, which hurt his knees something awful, but at least this go round he didn't have to rely on the faded light coming from the small entrance.  
  
It was a main hallway branching throughout this section of the fort. It was relatively wide, definitely wide enough to fit a couple people, but only a couple feet tall, cue the aching knees and waddling forward.  
  
He was really glad he wasn't claustrophobic.   
  
Lance counted the other hallways, trying to remember where it was- he thought he had it, but it lingered at the edge of his memory like the taste of something wonderful only tried once.   
  
He frowned making a left turn, and shining the light where he thought the room should be.  
  
Maybe he'd counted wrong.  
  
He started from the beginning, three tunnels left turn, two tunnels left turn, five tunnels , and-  
  
Quiznak, where was it?  
  
He grumbled, going back to the beginning again. Maybe he counted wrong he came here without a flashlight?   
  
He started trying various iterations of it. Two then three then five, two-two-five, two-two-four- nothing so far. He hummed, tapping his foot against the metal.   
  
There had to be a way to remember this. He made his way to the entrance, rubbing his sore knees.  
  
He would track it, but dust wasn't something that settled easily when someone came walking around.   
  
Maybe...  
  
Lance went to the beginning, turning off his flashlight. He'd try it from sight alone, no counting or anything- just trying to remember where the light hit, the angle of shadows.  
  
This- yeah this was working! He could feel the memory slipping in, the more he concentrated on it, the easier it got.  
  
He started walking, his mind slipping away after the first turn- he started counting vents, not paying attention to the feeling. He cursed, starting over.  
  
He got farther the second time.  
  
Third time's the charm right?  
  
Lance started, turning left as he followed his memory, where the light pointed. Strips of faded light guided him, filtering in from the entrance, the reflective surface of the walls able to provide barely enough glow for him to see his feet. He sneezed _again_ , for the umpteenth zillion time, cause this stupid f- oh, right turn here.  
  
Yes, definitely a turn here, that one beam of light that was way too far off then the others, meaning there was a broken wall panel somewhere, and he was really surprised that was the only damage, considering-  
  
Lance gasped lightly- there was a small, black hole at the base of a wall.  
  
He nearly jumped as he fist pumped, and yelled in success behind closed lips. The place was already echo as all hell, he didn't need to be yelling in here too.  
  
Lance slipped through the hole, heart pumping with anticipation to see what was in here. There had to be something nice- treasure or- or secrets of the Lions or-  
  
What if this was the secret home to some unknown alien robot monster?  
  
A nice monster of course.  
  
With big arms. And a nice chest. Who was really sweet. And definitely wouldn't eat him.  
  
Lance wasn't expecting the drop, and landed on his butt as he climbed through. He turned his flashlight on, the narrow beam of light illuminating the room.  
  
He was a little disappointed at the size- he'd imagined a huge echoy chamber, like a throne room or vault or something.  
  
Instead he was in what almost looked like a tiny office. It was cramped- chairs and tables all over the place, filled with things he'd never seen the likes of. Bookshelves overflowing with actual _paper_ books. Boxes of weird materials were stacked in any available free space, filled with refuse from the looks of it. Probably too old, just weird black residue all that was left.  
  
Lance looked at the first table- which was actually a desk, huh. Dozens upon dozens of glass-things lay scattered everywhere. Beakers, cylinders, weird orbs with tubes. He had no idea what this stuff was, but most of the glass was broken.  
  
He looked through the drawers- nothing of interest there either. Most of them were filled with paper that looked like it would poof if he touched it, and glass vials with nothing left in them expect various odd colored translucent residues.  
  
He couldn't even see the ink on the pages, they were so faded.  
  
He moved to the next desk- this one covered in fabrics, and long wires of metal. It was filled with wires bent into strange glyphs, tufts of withered fur and feathers clinging to them for life, the occasional tooth standing out against the age.  
  
What the hell was this place?  
  
The drawers didn't have an answer. Mostly just spare parts, the occasional paper- there was a knife that he _very_ pointedly ignored and was not ever going to touch.  
  
Vaguely, he wondered if maybe he was becoming a stereotypical stupid person in a horror movie.   
  
He turned to head onward, when a light glint caught his eye. Shining his light back, he didn't see it- until he waved the flashlight back and forth.   
  
There was a small something covered with a piece of cloth, tucked in the center back of the desk.   
  
Okay, did he really want to mess with the funky animal body part desk? The thing was covered for a reason, right?  
  
Though he was here to explore...  
  
Screw it.  
  
Lance pulled off the fabric carefully, body tense waiting for something to happen.  
  
Underneath was a ring on- on a- a thing? A pedestal maybe? He had no idea what the hell the shape was suppose to be other than a mass of limbs.  
  
Lance shuttered- it was creepy as fuck.   
  
Yeah, that feeling of him not suppose to be here? Kicking up a storm right about now.  
  
But...deep in his head, something was pulling him to stay here, to take the gem. Because that was a good plan.  
  
Please please please don't let this be a crazy awful thing.  
  
Slowly, Lance lifted the ring off its resting point- and shot back, defensive stance engaged! His eyes darted around, shining the flashlight throughout the room, ears straining against the calm.  
  
And there was nothing.  
  
Well...kind of anti-climactic.   
  
He looked at ring closer, shining the light into it.  
  
It was a silvery metal, a light blue tint running through it. It had an empty socket where a gem could be planted. The ring was rather large- definitely too big for his fingers. Maybe Shiro's- or Hunk's for that matter. Still, that stone had to be around here somewhere, right?  
  
He'd wanted treasure right? This ring was freaking gorgeous and with how it was off on its own? It must be worth something. Now he just needed to find the gem...  
  
He was grinning as he pocketed it, turning around- and promptly screamed.  
  
A skull was gazing at him.  
  
Lance waited, back in super defensive combat ready position- it was called the flamingo- totally a thing. Both hands covering his face and body while standing on one leg. Fool proof.  
  
He waited, keeping his nerves up, not taking his eyes off the skull. What- he let himself relax slowly, shining his light at the thing.  
  
Seriously? There was seriously just a freaking skull in this place? How freaking creepy was this stuff?  
  
Lance shuddered, moving around a desk so he could see where the skull was-  
  
Lance lost his breath.  
  
Because the skull was the only thing that was left.  
  
Whoever or whatever was here, it had been replaced by a crystalline goo formation- like a giant pile of tree amber. And unlike the small gem he'd found, this one was a dull grey, black spots and streaks running throughout with no luster to speak of. The crystal had grown through the bottom of the skull, fusing with the bone.  
  
It...did this person turn into crystal? Cause he was kinda getting that vibe here, and that did not bode well.   
  
There was a broken bookshelf behind the corpse, all the texts long turned to dust. The desk they sat in front of was empty, the drawers blocked by the crystalline growth. The top of desk had piles and piles of papers on it, many of them still legible. The scripts were unknown for the most part, but the few ones in Alphabet were-   
  
Okay, they were dark as fuck.  
  
Keith probably would've loved them.  
  
One of them talked about how to grind bones the correct way, which was apparently hot water and smushing, the proper use of a soul cutter, something in ritualistic lingo that didn't look menacing at all, something about heads and parasites, whatever the hell that meant. The guide to plucking out 'eyes from the inside' was great, that was something he really needed to have seen.  
  
But there was one paper that caught his attention.  
  
It had a strange symbol- like an upper case T with an eye over it looking down. He couldn't read a good portion of the handwriting, but he was able to make out...something about opening the door? And dreams?  
  
What the flying fuck.  
  
Officially he was not suppose to be here. He swallowed once, his body and mind fighting.  
  
He wanted to run from this. Every logical part of his being and gut were telling him to run- but that small space in his head. It was telling him that gem was here and he was determined to find it. He moved back to the second desk looking around. Nothing, just weird metal wire puppets and other creepy gizmos and animal parts.  
  
He searched around in the boxes with no luck, tried the desks and drawers again, even tried to move the corpse desk, but the crystal wasn't just blocking the drawers- it had grown into them, and there was no way in hell he was going even touch that stuff.  
  
He sighed thinking where else to look- bookshelves, no, under the desks, no, behind the desks? Still nothing. It- he knew it was here, it had to be.  
  
Lance huffed- maybe he shouldn't worry about it. He had enough weirdness for one day, he didn't need more of it, maybe he should just go...  
  
But he didn't come all this way to give up now. And there was one place he hadn't checked. And he hated that he even thought that and he was definitely becoming the horror movie stupid person.  
  
Lance shined his flashlight at the skull, looking into the cranial cavity.  
  
He grimaced when he saw something inside.  
  
Because of course there was something inside.  
  
Why shouldn't there be?  
  
Not like this place was creepy enough, no, it had to go and have some weird do-dad stuck in the skull of a person who turned to crystal in front of a desk about mutilation.  
  
And of course the skull had creepy things _carved_ into its insides.   
  
Cause it wouldn't be full creep tastic factor without that, right?  
  
Well he found what he was looking for.   
  
Fuck it at this point, if he was going to die, better die with his curiosity satiated.   
  
Lance slowly arched his arm forward, oh god this was so fucking gross. He'd need a hundred showers before he felt even remotely clean after this, fuck this shit. He touched the whatever it was, grabbing it with two fingers and slowly pulling it out, his hand just barely brushing against-  
  
  
  
  
Lance blinked and he was in white. Just white, everywhere all around him white void. Uh- where the hell was he?  
  
This was very quickly proving the 'satisfaction brought it back,' part of that phrase wrong.  
  
Lance tensed. A something was coming. That was the only thing Lance knew what to call it- he could feel it, like the press of a hand on a mattress when you're alone in bed. Terror flooded through him, and his breathing picked up.  
  
_Be calm. We're here._   
  
Lance jumped at the sound as it echoed around. Lance tried to take a step back- and he did, but also didn't? And the sound, it was near and far- the Something was coming and it was coming fast.  
  
'What are you?' His voice echoed too.  
  
 _We're a friend. It's okay._  
  
'What is going on?' Lance said, voice shaking.  
  
_Don't worry. Listen to our voice. Concentrate. Remember to breath._  
  
'Don't- don't worry?! this is- what- Wha-s going on?!'  
  
He felt his mouth stop on its own, without his permission.  
  
_I will explain to you when I can. For now, you must get ready._  
  
It was almost here. He could feel it raging, ready to swallow him whole, drive itself into his being.  
  
'I'm scared.' he said, gripping onto himself in desperation.  
  
_We know- listen, concentrate, breath. You_  must _remember to breath_.  
  
And then It was there.  
  
It did not tease. It did not waste time.  
  
It drove into his back, pierced the skin into his lungs. Lance took in a rasped breath, unable to scream as it tore into his body, drilled into his chest, latched to his arms and legs, pulling until they should have broken and stretching on still. The pain in his chest grew deeper every second they pulled his body apart, tears pouring from his eyes at the pain.  
  
It took root there in his chest, vines needling their way through his body with every gasping inhale.  
  
A razor thin blade started slicing into his head-  
  
Lance panicked.  
  
He thrashed against the hold, pushed against the roots, grabbed the razor, trying desperately to keep the razor in place.  
  
_Lance- not yet._  
  
He thrashed harder trying to throw off the thing that was grabbing onto his body.  
  
_Lance. Listen to our voice. Relax._  
  
Still gasping shallowly, Lance calmed his body as much as he could. He did scream as the razor slowly sliced into his skin and skull, entire body rattling from the force of it.  
  
_Concentrate- it will open and then you must push with everything against it- absolutely everything._  
  
Lance tried- he tried to fight through the pain, to concentrate on that narrow line, to hold his fight there.  
  
_You're doing wonderful, keep going. And get ready._  
  
He concentrated on pushing. The force of thought bounced in his skull, reverberating, impacting on itself, growing by the moment.  
  
He was whimpering, terrified, as he felt the last few strings of his mind start to rip, the roots moving down to his toes, to the tips of his fingers.  
  
The last tether fell.  
  
Lance unleashed a panicking maelstrom from his head.  
  
It didn't expect that kind of force- he felt it try and pull out its roots, try to get away from the typhoon he'd unleashed. Lance grabbed onto them, kept every fiber of it anchored to his body as It was ripped apart from the inside out.  
  
He needed to remember to breathe.  
  
  
  
  
Lance took a deep shuddering breath.  
  
He was in a dark a dusty room on the floor, his entire body aching horribly.  
  
In his hand was a small gem.  
  
He really really _really_ hoped it was worth- whatever just happened.  
  
Because what the fuck just happened?  
  
Breathe.  
  
He just needed to remember to breathe.  
  
He took in another deep breath, the aches of his body barely leaking away.  
  
Lance got to his feet slowly, wearily shining his light at the skull- or the place the skull should have been. All that remained was a torn jaw bone stuck into goopy crystal.  
  
Lance didn't care enough to even figure that one out. Because he'd gotten what he was suppose to and he was getting the hell out of dodge.  
  
Lance didn't remember climbing through the halls- like, he remembered that he did it, just not the process. The next time he was fully aware of himself, he was in the hallway to his room, lumbering that way, Keith looking at him dubiously.  
  
"Do I even want to know?"   
  
Lance stopped, looking down at himself.  
  
He was absolutely filthy.  
  
"You should see the other guy," Lance said, and that didn't really make sense did it?   
  
Keith scowled at that.  
  
"What other guy?"   
  
He would say that. Honestly it was so- so Keith, Lance couldn't help but smile and chuckle. He figured it would piss him off, which it did, but he was too fatigued to care at that moment.  
  
"What the heck is so funny?" Keith growled at him, stomping forward. Lance just shrugged, starting to head for his door.  
  
"Don't ignore me!" Keith yelled at him, grabbing his shoulder, and slamming Lance against the wall.  
  
Lance was stunned at the action, Keith directly in his face. He wasn't sure if it was the tiredness or what, but this felt very familiar, and he didn't feel an ounce of fear or nervousness.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Keith spat him, "You just walking around here like-"  
  
Lance looked at him, smile gone.   
  
Because he got it now. He couldn't believe it took so long for him to understand.  
  
Keith was hurting. He could see it in the man's eyes- he'd seen it before somewhere, some time. He'd forgotten just how subtle it was, the difference between his angry face and his pain face.  
  
A slam at his head made him jump, focusing back on reality.  
  
"Stop. Ignoring. _Me_." Keith growled at him, getting very close to his face. Keith had really nice lips. Which, yeah, probably should be paying attention to other things right now.  
  
"Sorry- you just have a really distracting face."  
  
There were a lot of things Lance meant to say.  
  
'Hey sorry, I just got mind fucked and am really out of it at the moment' or 'Oh sorry guy, I can tell you're in pain and I want to help, how can I help?'  
  
"I- what?" was Keith's response.  
  
But no. He'd chosen 'Sorry, you have a really distracting face.'  
  
"I- I mean- that's not what I meant to say, let me try again."  
  
Keith just stared at him, dumbstruck.  
  
"Keith," concentrate. Breath, "I can't help you right now but- I can tell you're not- not really. Doing well," Okay, not- not terrible, "So just let me get some sleep and then we should probably have a long talk."  
  
Keith stared at him for a long moment.   
  
"Oh- Okay," He replied finally, moving back from Lance's personal space.  
  
"Okay. Gunna go crash now," Lance said, turning back to his door.  
  
"Yeah, you- you do that," Keith replied. Lance wasn't sure if Keith said anything else, because he pulled off his shirt and pants and hopped into bed, eyes closed and asleep the moment he hit the cot.  
  
  
\--  
  
When Lance woke, he was aware it was much later than usual. He didn't feel great- was achy physically, but his emotions were turmoil. He wanted to lie here doing nothing, which sounded an awful lot like wallowing, which he refused to do. Still, he was hurt, and wanted to cry a little bit.  
  
He frowned blinking, looking around his room. Someone had put up his jacket, folded his clothes neatly on his desk, and- was he tucked in right now?  
  
He couldn't tell if that was extremely thoughtful or down right creepy.  
  
With a groan, Lance stood up, shuffling forward to get a towel for the bathroom. Definitely shower time. Most definitely. He should've taken care of it earlier, all that dust-  
  
From the room. That he found the thing in. That was in his pocket.   
  
That someone else had probably definitely felt when they folded up his clothing.  
  
Lance darted to his pants, rooting around in his pockets, quickly fiding he gem and ring.  
  
Phew.  
  
It was fine. Everything was fine.  
  
Lance sighed in relief, slipping the ring back into his pocket, looking at the slgem thing in more detail.  
  
It was milky like quartz, yet still had a bright lustery shine. It was a pure white stone, translucent, cut into a sphere about as big as his eye. One moment it'd be that pure white, and then he'd move an inch to the right, and a blue candle light ignited within it, wispy but solid.  
  
He needed to get this to Pidge and Hunk soon. This was- this was just too cool, he really wanted to figure out what it was. He'd find a time when it wasn't a bother. They had a lot they were doing afterall.  
  
Lance sighed, towel over his shoulder. Time for that shower.


	7. Count the Flaws

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for that dank Langst though.

Lance sighed, wanting to numb his mind. The glass of the fort's viewing room wasn't doing the best job of that, but at least his forehead was cold? He remembered it helping before, he hoped it'd kick in soon.  
  
It'd been a few days since the whole mind fuck incident and- things- were going on. He woke up from nightmares almost every night, multiple times a night. The twitching, crawling feeling under his skin happened every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. He figured it was just his muscles spasming in a weird way but, it was fucking uncomfortable.  
  
Plus, given how little sleep he was actually getting, he didn't have the energy to go seek people out most of the time, so he was feeling lonely and hurt. He tried his best to concentrate on what Allura and Hunk had said in the hallway, it just...it would've been nice if someone had at least checked on him.  
  
He was being stupid and needy which made him feel worse. He wasn't their job- they were busy doing things like saving the universe, and had told him if he ever needed them they would always be there. But besides the whole no sleep, feeling crappy thing, he felt like he was intruding or- or bothering them.  
  
Which was dumb and stupid and he hated that he felt this way.  
  
This is glass was really not helping the mind numbing.  
  
Breathe.  
  
He just needed to breathe.  
  
Lance wiped at his eye taking in a deep breath, and exhaling slowly.  
  
The sound of footsteps broken his thoughts, and he looked behind him.  
  
"Lance?"  
  
"Oh- hey Shiro. Couldn't sleep?"  
  
The man gave him an odd look, before coming to stand next to where he was seated.  
  
"I did, just- woke up," he said with a shrug. Lance nodded, putting his head back to the glass, "So uh- what are you doing out here?"  
  
Lance thought it sounded more accusatory then Shiro meant it. He told himself it was just from awkwardness.  
  
"I um-" should Lance tell him? It...he'd just been thinking about people seeking him out...maybe this was a good opportunity for that. He wasn't a strong believer in coincidence, "I had a memory come back."  
  
"Oh? Can I-?" Shiro asked, motioning to the floor. Lance nodded, scooting over a bit- he didn't need to, there was plenty of space but Shiro nodded back, taking a seat next to him, "What happened in the memory?"  
  
"It's- I was sitting out here staring into space, just kind of wondering what it'd be like to drift out there."  
  
"Well, pretty cold I'd imagine," Lance snerked at the comment, giving Shiro a look and a smile.  
  
"Okay, yeah, but. I also- at the time I thought it'd be rather...rather peaceful, you know?"  
  
Shiro frowned at that, looking out at the stars.  
  
"Yeah I guess, but- wouldn't it be lonely?" Lance nodded in response, looking back to space, "Do you remember anything else? Uh, if you want to talk about it, I mean. You don't have to."  
  
Lance stared off for a moment.  
  
He'd ended up crying in the memory, thinking about just drifting away from everything, wanting to escape feeling like such crap all the time. He was at his ropes end with it back before everything- thought being sad and alone would've been better than shoving it onto someone else.  
  
Part of him still felt that way. It was his own private war, and he felt it wasn't going to end anytime soon.  
  
"I don't really remember a whole lot else," Lance said, only half the truth, "just- me staring out at space. It's...it was cathartic. At the time."  
  
"Is it still?" Lance waited a moment, thinking.  
  
"I'm not sure yet."  
  
Shiro hummed in response, gazing out the window himself.  
  
Silence stretched between them, but it was not uncomfortable. Lance was glad- as endearing as awkward Shiro was, he enjoyed the other being more normal around him.  
  
Shiro broke the silence first.  
  
"Lance, before...everything, you had um. You mentioned the term a '7th wheel.' Do you remember what you meant by that?"  
  
The term sent a pang to his chest he couldn't explain. It felt private, and painful, and like Shiro was intruding- which he hated. He never wanted to feel like that about his friends.  
  
"Not- not really, no."  
  
"That's alright. If you do let me know, okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I will, um. Shiro," the other man turned his head. Lance looked down at his knees, not able to meet his gaze, "If- if I asked to be dropped off somewhere...would you do that?"  
  
Lance saw the dumbfounded expression on Shiro's face in his periphery, and flinched subtly. The man turned back to space.  
  
"I...would ask you to reconsider, several times probably, but...it's- you're an adult, Lance, and I will support any decision you make. But," Shiro swallowed, and Lance finally looked to him. Their gaze met, Shiro's brow furrowed deeply, "But can I ask where that question came from?"  
  
Lance chewed on his cheek, looking at the other through his lashes. It was odd, not wanting and desperately needing to talk about something with someone, how that made it made his heart clench even harder.  
  
And Shiro just sounded so...concerned and kind.  
  
"I- remember feeling it. Feeling like-" Lance looked back to space, "really often feeling like I should just- yeah."  
  
"Just?"  
  
Lance sighed, trying to keep his hurt in his chest, keep it from bubbling up.  
  
"Just- you know- leave."  
  
Shiro's sharp inhale of breath was subtle, but felt booming in the silence. Lance bit into his cheek hard, taking quiet, deep breaths. He- he needed to get this out, he just- he just didn't want-  
  
"It's uh," Shiro cleared his throat, his words clogged, "I'm- I'm sorry that's something you're feeling I-" Shiro sighed, looking intently at Lance, bring a hand to his shoulder, "Lance, all of us care about you. I know you might not remember, but please, try to know that. All of us, even Keith in his own weird, angsty way."  
  
Lance let out a surprised chuckle. He wished he recorded this, Pidge would never believe Shiro used the word angsty.  
  
Quiet again. Shiro kept his hand on Lance's shoulder, and he felt an all too familiar wave of anticipation hit his stomach.  
  
How often had Before him felt like this?  
  
He wanted to mention this, talk about this. He'd been wanting to for a while but the opportunity just never...  
  
"It doesn't- it's not that simple," Lance said, getting Shiro's attention, "Err, remembering things I mean. I remember- feelings? Like how the smell of the ocean feels like home. And that's kind of how it works for you guys too. I feel a lot of affection for Hunk, know how I felt when I hung around him, got a hug from him. I know how exasperated I felt around Pidge, or how much amusement I got from teasing them."  
  
Shiro nodded at him, brows furrowed in thought. He seemed to do that a lot. He should probably get like, a cream or something, or his face might get stuck that way.  
  
"What do you remember about me?"  
  
"Uh- what?"  
Shiro chuckled, "Me- what do you remember about me?"  
  
Lance frowned, he seemed...he seemed- nervous. Why was Shiro nervous, was that- was there something he was suppose to say here? A correct answer Shiro was looking for?  
  
He would try the truth, hopefully that was enough.  
  
"I'm- not sure what to call it exactly. It's warm- I- contented, kinda? I'm not great at this sorry, um. It's important. You feel very very important to me."  
  
"Soooo, warm and important?"  
  
Lance inhaled to speak, closed his mouth. Opened, then closed.  
"Yes?" he said finally.  
  
Shiro laughed, grinning at him and rubbing his shoulder with his thumb. Lance felt that little anticipation rollercoaster through his gut.  
  
He chuckled in response, heat pooling in his face.  
  
"Yeah um- yeah, that's- that's about right. It's funny I kinda- kinda feel the same way about Keith."  
  
Shiro gave him a surprised look, smile still on his face, "Wait, what?"  
  
"I know, I don't understand it. I mean don't get me wrong there's a whole lot of exasperation thrown in there but...yeah. Definitely the same. I mean, yours is different in other ways too like- like Keith feels recent, you feel- I dunno, um."  
  
"Old?" Shiro asked. Lance picked up on the self-dig, playfully pushing at him.  
  
"Geez, you're not even that old! You're like what, 20?" Shiro laughed again, hand running up to ruffle Lance's hair before resettling. He stuck his tongue out at the man.  
  
"Alright, alright, keep going. I feel...?"  
  
"You feel...more- I don't know, at home? Like- it feels like that feeling has been around for a while...which was a crappy way to phrase that, but yeah. Does that make any sense?"  
  
Shiro's smile was so infinitely warm Lance thought he was going to melt.  
  
"Yeah- yeah, no, it makes perfect sense. You know I lost my memory too."  
  
Lance was taken aback. No- no he didn't know that.  
  
"Did I know that Before?"  
  
Shiro nodded, the thumb on Lance's shoulder moving from simple petting, to small circles. Not that Lance was acutely aware of it, or anything.  
  
"Yeah- uh," a sigh, "yeah you did. I had a similar thing happen, where I'd never been to a place, but it'd still feel like home or not fun and- I know yours extended to people, and at the time I didn't think mine did."  
  
There was a pause, Lance waiting for Shiro to continue.  
  
"At the time?" Lance prompted.  
  
"Huh? Oh. Sorry yeah, um- before my amnesia there was someone I was really close with, and after the amnesia I met Keith again and...it kind of felt like Keith was that person. Like you described, Keith felt similar to them just- just a little bit different. At the time, I just chalked it up to my amnesia and head playing tricks on me but...I don't know anymore."  
  
Lance wasn't really sure what he was suppose to say to that. It felt like Shiro was trying to tell him something, but...whatever it was, it went over his head.  
  
Lance didn't want things to lapse into silence. It felt like they were coming to the end of their conversation and he- he just didn't want that.  
  
"Did you have dreams?" he blurted out rapidly. He flinched afterward, because he hadn't meant to tell anyone about that, much less Shiro, but it was the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"Dreams?"  
  
Lance cringed.  
  
"Yeah after your amnesia, did you have- you know."  
  
Shiro sighed.  
  
"Yes. Still do sometimes."  
  
"Is that what woke you up?" Lance asked. Shiro nodded.  
  
"But they're going away, slowly but surely. Lance you're- are you having dreams about- that?"  
  
Lance waited a moment, biting his cheek, feeling the haunting of what he came out here to try and forget.  
  
He nodded in reply.  
  
"Can you tell me about them?" More infinite kindness.  
  
Lance let out a humorless chuckle.  
  
"Without crying? Probably not."  
  
"Lance it's- that's okay. You don't have to hold this stuff in by yourself."  
  
The concern and warmth was a pike to his chest. His next breath was shakey, hip lip quivering.  
  
"I remember being alone. My chest feels like its on fire, like I've been stabbed, and I remember crying and not wanting to die and just- just wanting and begging someone to be there, and I start falling into darkness with this knowledge that I'm going to die and exist alone and I feel like- like my soul is just being crushed. And then I wake up like I woke up on the beach alone and I just-"  
  
He'd started crying halfway through. Shiro grabbed him tight at the end, and Lance clung to him, drawing in wracking breaths, failing to contain his tears.  
  
"It's okay, Lance. Just breathe."  
  
Breathe.  
  
Remember to breathe.  
  
Lance inhaled deeply, exhaling as well.  
  
"Shiro- I- I-" he couldn't say it.  
  
"I know Lance," Shiro's voice was tight, "And I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry."  
  
He only cried for a couple minutes more, but he and Shiro stayed hugging for a long while after. It was- it was so nice. Getting reinforcement from Shiro the way he was.  
  
He broke away from the older man, settling back down next to him, keeping their arms touching because he needed the contact right now, because it helped and he hoped it helped Shiro too.  
  
"It's not your fault, you know," Lance said. Shiro took in a deep breath.  
  
"It doesn't feel like that."  
  
"...I know." They existed in the quiet. Lance felt- free. Or free-er. Yeah, there was a bit of guilt about it but...maybe he did need to talk. And maybe talking gave people the chance to talk back.  
  
"I remember this," Lance said with a warm smile. Shiro gave him an almost panicked look.  
  
"What?!"  
  
Lance chuckled at his extreme reaction.  
  
"Relax, just meant having super serious talks with boss numero uno," Lance said, shaking his head as Shiro calmed down.  
  
"Oh. Hope it's not a terrible memory."  
  
"Memories. And no. You were my favorite to talk to."  
  
The way Shiro's smile slowly lit up- joy bloomed in Lance's chest from getting that expression from the man. He leaned his head on Shiro's shoulder for a moment, sighing blissful and content.  
  
"Alright. I should get back to bed," Lance said, standing up. Shiro rose with him, "Shiro- thanks. For the- the everything."  
  
"Anytime, Lance. Don't ever hesitate," He probably would, "And um. If you ever need to- you know where my room is? If you have more dreams I mean."  
  
Lance smiled at him, "For an epic slumber party?"  
  
Shiro chuckled, "Absolutely." Lance shook his head with an eyeroll.  
  
"I do. Have a good night Shiro."  
  
"You too Lance."  
  
\--  
  
It was five days later when Lance figured out what a seventh wheel was.  
  
Pidge, Hunk, and him were getting into the Killbot Phantasm show, which as a by the way, was the tackiest piece of garbage he'd ever watched, and he watched Spanish soaps with his Abuelita.  
  
So naturally, the three of them were absolutely hooked. And with all the training Allura was putting them through for some big plan she had, they were trying to get through as much of it as possible.

To be honest, Lance had slept through a decent chunk of it. They knew he wasn't sleeping well, and Pidge had caught him sleep walking two more times since the first. The nightmares hadn't stopped, though he hadn't grabbed Shiro yet, letting his words be enough to carry him for now.  
  
He was just glad they didn't say anything to him, let him nap occasionally.  
  
"I cannot believe they made 11 seasons of this show," Pidge said as the credits rolled.  
  
"Dude- my family watched this one soap opera Arrayán? Show has like two thousand episodes."  
  
"Yeah, but was it as bad as this?" Hunk said.  
  
"Okay, probably not, but that's not saying much."  
  
"Ugh. I need snacks for this," Pidge said, "How is this show so damn addicting?"  
  
"Oh! I got snacks, gimme a second!" Hunk got up, rummaging through his stuff.  
  
Lance rolled his shoulders, letting his thoughts wander.  
  
Shiro had mentioned a seventh wheel. He hadn't asked anyone about it yet...maybe-  
  
"Hey guys- do you know what a seventh wheel is?"  
  
They shared a look before, their gaze came back to him.  
  
"Never heard of it. Where'd you hear it?" Hunk asked.  
  
Lance shrugged, "Shiro mentioned it? I think that's what he said."  
  
"Do you mean a third wheel?"  
  
Lance didn't like the sound of that.  
  
"Maybe? What's that again?"  
  
"Man, it's really weird the stuff you forget," Hunk said, bringing over his stash of soda.  
  
"Buddy, you don't even know the half of it."  
  
"Well a third wheel is a term for the odd man out. It's really only used for when a couple goes on a date and one of their friends comes along? Like the person shouldn't be there, that they're intruding."  
  
A welling sense of understanding started crawling up his spine. Shiro said he mentioned that term. There were six other people besides himself.  
  
"Hey I'm going to use the restroom real quick," Lance said getting up from his nest of blankets, "Don't start it without me!" He left the room quickly after that, not bothering to look at either of his friends one his way out.  
  
He didn't go to the bathroom.  
  
Lance made it about two turns before his first whimpered breath, and he immediately veered into one of the many hidden corridors of the fort.  
  
He was a seventh wheel. Even Before, when he was still useful, still had his connection to the Lions.  
  
Now what was he? What worth did he have here?  
  
If he was a seventh wheel before, what did that even make him now?  
  
Lance sobbed, desperately trying to find something- something that he did to help his friends, something he could do to help.  
  
Explore the fort? Yeah cause that was useful.  
  
He was wasting space they could be using for someone else- someone who could actually be a part of things here.  
  
How do you come back from learning that about yourself? How do you come back from knowing you're wasted space?  
  
Lance cried for a while, trying his best to muffle his sobs and sniffing. The crying didn't really help- just made him feel pathetic. Eventually, he just got numb to it. It just- slowly slipped away into not feeling anything, leaving him sitting on the floor, face in his knees, existing.  
  
Lance sighed- he'd been gone way too long. They were probably already worried about him. He'd just tell them he got distracted or something. Maybe he'd stop by his room, grab the ring and gem as an incase. He'd meant to show those to the group, it just never seemed like the right time.  
  
Lance sighed again, getting up from the floor, feet echoing in the long tunnel.  
"Who's there?"  
  
Oh great. Just who he needed to see.  
  
"Just me Keith," Lance said, coming out of the tunnel. Keith was standing at the entrance to the narrow corridor, arms crossed and gaze narrowed.  
  
"What were you doing in there?" he sounded pissed off. How unusual, "Pidge and Hunk are looking for you."  
  
"Nothing, just got distracted," He said, moving to walk passed him.  
  
Keith caught his arm, eyes narrowed, searching over his face. He wished he was taller than Keith. Then he wouldn't have to look up to the guy, even though he only had to a little.  
  
  
"What's wrong?" Keith asked, though ask is a bit of a strong word.  
  
Emphatically demanded? A little better.  
  
"Nothing, Keith, don't worry about it," he said, more bitter than he meant it.  
  
Keith's brows furrowed at the reply.  
  
"Lance, would you just tell me what's wrong?"  
  
" _Nothing_ , Keith. Are you going to let me get by or what?"  
  
"Not until you tell me what's wrong!"  
  
"There's nothing wrong!"  
  
"Stop lying!"  
  
Lance looked at him, breaths becoming shallow-  
  
And he exploded.  
  
"I'm the seventh wheel, Keith! Are you happy?! That's what's wrong!" Keith was wide eyed, stunned by his outburst, "And I'm not even that! That was Before, when I was still a part of Voltron!"  
  
"What are you talking about, you still are a part of Voltron! And what does that even mean?!"  
  
"It means that I'm useless here, Keith! There is _nothing_ I can contribute here! All of you- All of you have something, and I'm just- And no, I'm not a part of Voltron- that requires being a paladin, and seeing as I haven't heard even a word from any of the lions? Kinda disqualifies me!"  
  
"So what?! In case you forgot, I gave up my connection to Red! That didn't just stop making me a paladin!"  
  
"I DID FORGET!" Lance screamed at him, "BECAUSE I FUCKING DIED!"  
  
Keith recoiled like he'd been stabbed.  
  
"I DIED! _ALONE_! And I have to relive that every. Single. NIGHT. How- How fucking useless did I have to be to have all of you there and still manage to die by myself AND after we got rid of the Galra!? I was a burden before so what does that even make me now, Keith?! There is _nothing_ I can contribute for you all! I can't remember anything, so it's not even like I can provide you guys with myself without fucking it up! And on top of it there's all this- everything that I'm just unloading onto all of you! Shiro can't even be in the same fucking room as me without clamming up, you've been a fucking asshole! Pidge and Hunk-! I should've just-" His voice cracked, "I should've just stayed-"  
  
He couldn't say it.  
  
It felt true to the core of his being. But he was a coward and he couldn't say it.  
  
He crumbled, all the numbness and anger melting away, leaving a gaping hole in it's place. He felt like his chest was split open again, like he was in a dream, shot through and alone.  
  
"Lance-"  
  
He couldn't deal with this- with the way Keith's voice broke. He thought his crying was over.  
  
Apparently not.  
  
Firm arms enveloped him, hand on the back of his head, gently pushing Lance into the crook of his his neck.  
  
It was so intimate and loving- and from _Keith_ \- Lance weeped, grabbing onto the man and burying himself there.  
  
Lance felt fingers against his scalp, other arm wrapped around his shoulder. Lance hiccuped and sobbed, not letting up, emotion pouring out of him even as he tried desperately to get it to stop.  
  
He was only vaguely aware of Keith picking him up, of them settling down on the floor, Lance curled up on his lap.  
  
He didn't really ever believe anyone when they said Keith would want to help him.  
  
Just- it didn't really connect in his mind that that would even be a possibility.  
  
It made him feel a stab of guilt for not trusting in the man.  
  
The same numbness from before crept up on him, only this time it had an added twinge of tired comfort from the man holding him. He would be lying if he said he didn't like being here.  
  
It was still a long time after his breathing was normal before Keith finally spoke up.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
It was quiet. Gentle.  
  
He didn't have any memories of Keith being gentle.  
  
It touched him deeply, brought a flood of warmth to his numbness.  
  
"Better," he admitted.  
  
"You- you didn't really mean that. About staying..." Keith couldn't say it either, his voice getting husky at the tail end of it.  
  
It made Lance think. Did he want that? Did he want to shoot into space, to float there forever?  
  
Because that's what he would've gotten.  
  
Lance shook his head, face nuzzling against Keith's neck.  
  
"I just- I'm- it's just a-"  
  
"An episode," it wasn't a question.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Shiro um- Shiro got them a lot. When he came back or- um. You know he has amnesia, right? When he came back from Kerberos?"  
  
Lance nodded.  
  
"Yeah, he told me about it."  
  
"Right. Well- he had a lot of problems at first. Would get bad- like- well, episodes where he just felt- bad."  
  
Lance huffed a breath into Keith's shoulder. At least the guy was trying.  
  
He was doing a pretty bang up job, as much as he seemed to be struggling with it.  
  
"Thanks Keith."  
  
"Um. Yeah, Lance. Don't mention it."  
  
He probably would.  
  
"I uh-" Lance started, not sure what to say.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um...Pidge and Hunk mentioned to me the other day that- I used to call you my rival."  
  
The way Keith deflated at that comment sent a spear of guilt to his gut. Or a _lance_ of guilt, how had he not thought of that before.  
  
"Yeah you did. Listen, we should get up, I need to go meet Shiro-"  
  
"I never meant it!" Lance blurted out, catching the other off guard. Keith stared at him, settling back into where he was sitting.  
  
"I remember feeling jealous of you about- about something, I can't remember what- and um. And also- I guess misplaced anger? I don't remember why, go figure, but the feeling- the whole rival thing pretty quickly became a way to tease you, not- not out of anger or anything."  
  
"Um...Okay."  
  
Lance frowned at his response. Or really, lack of response. He was learning he really had to spell things out for he guy.  
  
"Keith, I don't remember our relationship. At all. All I have are this- these- ugh, dios mio, this mezcolanza- like- weird mixture of emotion memories. Keith I care about you. The Before me did too, a whole hell of a lot, and I don't understand why or even what that feeling is, but it's there and I just want to make sure you know that, because I don't remember- like, if you hated Before me or-"  
  
Lance was silenced by Keith grabbing him- this time tight and needy- it wasn't just for Lance this time.  
  
"I could never hate you, stupid," Keith said, voice low with emotion. A laugh burst from Lance at the comment and he hugged back, just as tightly.  
  
"This counts as that talk I owe you," Lance muttered.  
  
Keith chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, fair enough."  
  
They took their time breaking apart. Lance was sure it was more out of the necessity to move sleeping limbs then want to stop hugging.  
  
"Okay. I really do need to get back to Pidge and Hunk," Keith nodded as Lance stood up, "Would you uh- want to join us?"  
  
Keith followed suit, getting up from the floor. He'd taken Lance back into the tunnel- it was subtly considerate, and made Lance smile softly.  
  
"Um- well, I was going to- I have a thing with Shiro. At the gym. But- thanks."  
  
"Yeah! No, yeah of course," Lance said, wiping his face, trying to ignore the small pang of disappointment.  
  
"We could uhh- always use another body. If you'd want to join us sometime, we typically go around this time. Your stitches are healed up, right?"  
  
They made their way out of the tunnel, into the main hallway.  
  
"Yeah- it was weird, they healed really fast. And I'd like that. It'll give me something to do other than weasel around the ship."  
  
"Yeah, when did you find that? I'd never even noticed it."  
  
"Oh, maintence tunnel B? That was like, the second day or so, it was-" Lance hissed, flinching. He rubbed at his neck, a wiggling vibrating like crazy under the skin there.  
  
"What's wrong?" Keith asked alarmed.  
  
"Nothing, nothing big- just been having this weird sensation around my body. Like something crawling around under the skin.  
  
"Let me see."  
  
Geez, was he always this bossy?  
  
Still, Lance moved his hand to let Keith look it over.  
  
"I don't see anything...are you sure it's not just a ghost sensation?"  
  
"Honestly, I don't know. It's just there sometimes and-"  
  
Lance's vision was getting- weird. He head wasn't working right, he couldn't think what he was-  
  
"Um- what- what was I saying?"  
  
"Thaaat the sensation is there sometimes? Uh, you don't look okay."  
  
"Pfft- I look amazing- can totally rock blue skin."  
  
"Ugh, Lance really?"  
  
He tried to laugh- but he's pretty sure he just made a kind of high pitched squeak instead. He had to stop walking, leaning against the wall to stay upright.  
  
"Keith- Keith somethings wrong-"  
  
"Lance- what's going on?"  
  
What was going on? Where was he? He had to get somewhere, someone was waiting for him, but there- something bad was happening to him, he couldn't remember what- Keith was here. Keith would know.  
  
"Keith-"  
  
"Lance?!"  
  
He was vaguely aware of someone calling his name, as his eyes finally shut, and mind went blank.


	8. End of June

Shiro was the last one to arrive. He hadn't gotten the message from Coran, figured Keith got held up and decided to workout without him.  
  
Lance was in the cryopod. Thank everything Coran and Pidge got it working.  
  
He'd collapsed in the hallway. Keith had found him there.  
  
"Coran, Shiro's here just tell us what the quiznak is wrong with Lance!" Pidge.   
  
"I know I'm sorry, it just didn't feel right not telling all of you at once-"  
  
" _Coran_!" Keith and Pidge.  
  
"Right, sorry. Lance has- at some point, Lance picked up a parasite," Coran started, bringing up a holo image of the human body, "I don't know just what this parasite is or even really how it functions. However, it has attached itself to his nervous system and is causing havoc on his brain."  
  
"So we just have to take it out? Or- kill it or whatever?"  
  
"Yeah, how is this even a question?"  
  
Coran and Shiro shared a look.   
  
Shiro turned to the rest of his team.  
  
"You guys aren't listening. It's attached to his _brain_ ," Shiro said, "That's not something you can just take out."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Keith, as advanced as Altean technology is, human anatomy isn't the same as ours," Allura explained, much more patient than Shiro could at the moment, "And even for us that's an intense procedure."  
  
"So we just let it eat his brain?" Pidge snapped.  
  
"Well...we have a potential plan," Coran started, "The parasite itself seems to dislike the cold- I know normal human's average temperature is 36C- Lance's is almost 39. We could lower the temperature of the tank, making Lance no longer a suitable host."  
  
They sat in quiet for a moment, contemplating the situation.  
  
Hunk spoke first.  
  
"Do you know anything about how it's attached to him?"  
  
Coran gave him a blank look, mouth open.  
  
"Uh- no. Well I- no."   
  
Allura sighed at the other Atlean.  
  
"When we say we don't know anything about the species that's invaded him, we mean nothing. It's not like anything we've seen- the computer can tell us that it's core is attached to Lance's spine and brain, that its changed almost all of Lance's body on a molecular level, and that it-" Allura looked to the floor, "it did something to his quintessence."  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"When was that on the table?"  
  
"Do we even know what it did?"  
  
"No we don't-" Coran tried.  
  
"Can- did he lose his connection to Red, does anyone know?"  
  
"I have reason to suspect that...yes. He did," Allura said, eyes still to the ground, "there was...he said something to me and Hunk-"  
  
"He did," Keith said. Shiro inhaled sharply, turning to the other man. All of them were looking at him.  
  
Keith was breathing ragged, eyes focused on Lance.  
  
"Keith- Keith how do you know that?" Hunk asked.  
  
"He told me he hasn't heard her- that he hasn't heard _any_ of the Lions since he came back."  
  
There was a beat of quiet that echoed between them.  
  
"That- that doesn't mean he's lost it," Hunk tried, "I mean what if this parasite is symbiotic? And like- what if the lions just need more time to recognize his quintessence?"  
  
"Yeah- yeah, it changed his entire body, right? Hell, _we_ didn't recognize him at first either," the look Pidge shot Keith was only slightly smoldering.  
  
Keith looked away.  
  
"That may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that we don't know how this parasite will function- whether it is symbiotic or not."  
  
"It knocked him unconcious," Keith dead panned.  
  
"So what? It could just be an after effect of like- the final settle in."  
  
"Hunk I don't know, that's a bit of a stretch," Shiro said.  
  
"Well we have to make a decision," Coran said, "I can keep his body in semi-stasis for a small while, but eventually there will be a certain point of no return with how attached it is to him."  
  
"I don't think we should kill it," Hunk said, "we don't know anything about it I mean- what if this thing is the only reason Lance is even alive right now?"  
  
"I agree. This thing seems like the cause of those cryptid things, it has to be what resurrected him- it's probably the only thing keeping him alive."  
  
"Except those Azuhom are considered zombies. You don't think that's where he's headed?" Keith retorted   
  
"I'm with Keith. Whatever this thing is, it's only done harm to his body so far," Shiro said.  
  
"Wow, shocker there," Pidge said.  
  
Keith flipped his gaze at them.  
  
"What's that suppose to mean?"  
  
"You don't think everyone here notices how you two butt buddy it up all the time? Just because Lance was the only one with the balls to call you out on your shit, doesn't mean we don't see it happening."  
  
Shiro glared at Pidge for the comment.  
  
"That was uncalled for Pidge."  
  
"No! No it wasn't! Because I know- all of us know that no matter what any of us want in this situation, you and number one side hoe are going to get to make the decision, because you just happen to agree with each other on _everything_."  
  
"Paladins please-"  
  
"Maybe that's because we're trying to logically think about this! And the logical thing to do would be to try and get the _parasite_ out of our friend's body!"  
  
"Except that's not at all what Lance would want!" Hunk said.  
  
"How do you know what he'd want?"  
  
"Because I'm his best friend!"  
  
" _Paladins_ -"  
  
"The friend he didn't mention he wishes he'd stayed dead to?"  
  
The silence was like a vaccum to the room. Shiro stared at Keith, the other's face dropping to horror at what he'd said..  
  
"I- Hunk I didn't-"  
  
"That is _ENOUGH_ ," Allura yelled slamming her hand onto the table.  
  
She didn't need to.  
  
Hunk was in tears.  
  
Pidge was seething, fists balled, facing their leader.  
  
What the hell happened to them? All this time, he thought they stuck together so well because of his effective leadership.   
  
Shiro was realizing that Lance had a lot more to do with that than he'd ever thought. And Shiro should have realized it. The way he joked, confronted them when they were in the wrong, cared so much about their feelings and well being.  
  
"Coran, could we wake Lance up?"   
  
"Princess, what-?"  
  
"Can we do it or not?"  
  
"I- we certainly can, but if we go longer than a few minutes- and even then, that's a huge risk to take, this is imprecise we don't know how it could effect his condition."  
  
"How do we want to do this then?" she asked them.  
  
"What- what do you mean?" Hunk asked between sniffs.  
  
"Well, we have to decide what to do, and there's an even number of votes so. Do humans have a way to do this?"  
  
"Yes. We typically assign a proxy, so if we're unconscious they can make the decsion for us."  
  
Shiro bit lip. He didn't want to do this. That letter had been private, and he was certain Lance didn't want the others to know what was in it. Plus he'd looked up Lance's old file...  
  
And if he said something here, they would want to know how he knew. They'd make assumptions, they weren't stupid.  
  
"Hunk?" Allura asked.  
  
"Uh- no he um- he always had various members of his family as his proxy, he said he didn't want me to have to make that choice."  
  
"So how do we want to do this?"  
  
"We could still vote? It might not be a tie," Pidge suggested.  
  
"Alright. In favor of waking him up?"  
  
Pidge, Hunk, Allura.  
  
Keith, Shiro, and Coran kept their hands down.  
  
"...well, I guess that settles that."  
  
"Unbelieveable," Pidge scoffed at them. Shiro frowned but ignored the comment.  
  
"So. How do we get him a proxy?"  
  
"Well we can't fly back to Earth, plus-"  
  
"Me," Shiro sighed.  
  
"Are you kidding me?!"   
  
"I was one of his proxies at the Garrison."  
  
"Bullshit!" Pidge called out. Shiro didn't blame them. He would've said the same thing even just a couple of months ago.  
  
"Pidge-" Allura tried.  
  
"Allura, Pidge is right and that's some lame shit to pull, Shiro," Hunk said. It was the sharpest he'd heard Hunk go in a while.  
  
He didn't wince.  
  
"Check his file," Shiro said.  
  
"No! You're bluffing-!"  
  
"Pidge. Just check his Garrison file."  
  
They huffed, pushing Coran out of the way of the computer he was standing at, immediately typing away. Shiro remembered them saying they were going to network everything. He didn't really know what that entailed.  
  
Lance's face came on screen in front of Pidge, and they scrolled down.  
  
The look on their face was venom.  
  
"That's- what did you do, that _cannot_ -"  
  
Hunk rushed over, a moment later glaring at Shiro.  
  
"You hacked this."  
  
"No, I didn't."  
  
"Shiro, Lance idolized you, but he didn't _know_ you at all. He would've never put you here, if for nothing else because he's considerate and wouldn't want to do that to you. So if he didn't know you-"  
  
Shiro watched, gut clenched in pain, as the dots clicked together in Hunk's mind.  
  
"You knew him. At the Garrison, you knew him."  
  
Pidge immediately stared glaring between him and Hunk.  
  
"That isn't possible! Hunk you were always with him! Are you actually trying to say that he-"  
  
"He snuck off, yes," Hunk said, deadpanned. He glared at Keith, and Shiro turned to look at the man.  
  
Of all the expressions he thought he'd find there, hurt was not one.  
  
"You- you remembered Lance and you just- ignored him?" Keith asked.   
  
The question threw Shiro so far off kilter he only stared, mouth open.  
  
"So you didn't know either," Pidge said softly to Keith.  
  
"We told each other everything. The only reason Lance would do that would be-"   
  
Shiro's eyes hit the floor.  
  
There was dead silence. Shiro couldn't even hear the beeping of machinery, the bubbling from the tank.  
  
When Hunk spoke next, his voice was quiet and quivering with anger, and Shiro was legitimately scared. Scared that he'd torn something irreparable.  
  
"How long did you know about this?"  
  
Shiro licked his lips, mouth open, trying to find a response- trying to think of something to say.  
  
"If I may," Coran said quietly, "In Lance's will, there was a letter I was to deliver to Shiro. He asked me to keep it and its contents a secret. If it helps."  
  
Shiro swallowed once taking in a deep breath.   
  
"Get him awake."  
  
He could feel the looks of astonishment beating into him. He hoped this was the right call.  
  
Coran sighed, nodded, and started punching in codes.  
  
"He's going to be in a lot of pain. I don't know how well he's going to be able to concentrate."  
  
Shiro nodded, Coran pressing a series of buttons. Only a few seconds later Lance was grimacing, the pod starting to drain out. By the short time it took for him to get out, Lance was whimpering and sobbing in pain.  
  
"Lance- Lance it's Shiro."  
  
"Shiro- Shiro it _hurts_ ," Lance whined.  
  
"I know bud, but we have to ask you something, can you answer?"  
  
Lance just sobbed, thrashing a bit.  
  
"Lance, please, concentrate, breathe. We need an answer."  
  
For some reason those were the magic words. Lance sucked in a shuddering, whimpered breath, weakly nodding.  
  
"Two minutes Shiro."  
  
"Okay- you have a parasite attached to you. It might be harmless, it might be deadly. Removing it could kill you. What would you want to do?"  
  
Lance shook his head, grasping onto Shiro's forearms, nails digging in.  
  
"I-I don't- Shiro it hurts so _much_."  
  
Shiro frowned in sympathy- he wished there was a better way. That they could communicate with him somehow, without all of this.   
  
"Shiro, we need to get him back in here," Coran said, hands on the control.  
  
"Lance, _concentrate_. Kill the parasite or not?" Shiro demanded.  
  
Lance hicucped once.  
  
"Don't- do it."  
  
And then he was out, Coran pressing the switch to set him back in the pod. All of them watched- his skin a deep blue, electric rivulets of sapphire spider-webbed across his body.  
  
Whatever was going on with his body, even just a few short minutes cost him dearly.  
  
Please don't let this have fucked things up.  
  
He couldn't live with that. Not after everything that's happened.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
"So?" Allura prompted, Lance back into stasis.  
  
"So? He said 'Don't do it', we don't do it!" Pidge exclaimed immediately.  
  
"What?" Keith flipped to them, "He didn't say that at all! The 'don't' and the 'do it' were separated, he wants us to get it out of him!"  
  
"Keith buddy, he's in pain. It was just a break for a sob."  
  
"Okay, what does Shiro think?"  
  
"You see!? Do you seriously not see what I mean?!"  
  
"Pidge, Shiro is still allowed to have an opinion, even if he isn't always fair about things,"  
  
Shiro sighed, looking at Lance. He knew what he heard.  
  
He just wished it didn't coincide the way it did.  
  
"...I heard him say 'do it.'"  
  
Pidge threw- something at the ground, startling all of them.  
  
"Pidge-!" Even Hunk was taken aback.  
  
They were crying.  
  
That was Shiro's fault. And he felt it.  
  
"I'm not going to sit here and watch you two kill him! Fuck this, and fuck you!" And they left. Hunk watched them leave and Shiro thought he was going to follow.   
  
Instead, he turned back, glaring between the two of them, tears spilling over.  
  
"Lance is my best friend. I've been with him since the beginning. He died without me last- last time, and that's not happening again," Then he grabbed a chair, turned, and sat in front of the tank, occasionally sniffing.  
  
Shiro shared a look with Keith, the other's face a canyon of worry and pain. Neither offered the other comfort. Shiro didn't know if he appreciated that or was hurt by it.  
  
"Alright, Coran."  
  
Allura sighed deeply, turning from them, hand at her mouth. He wished it was him in that tank- Lance would know how to comfort them all. He wasn't the only Black paladin anymore, but- the paladins still felt like his.  
  
And he'd torn them apart. Maybe sentenced one to death.  
  
Coran flipped a single switch, numbers on the monitor dropping.  
  
Lance's response was subtle at first.  
  
A pout.  
  
Then a grimace.  
  
'Don't- do it.'  
  
It- his vision was tunneling. What- what was going-  
  
  
_'Don't. Don't- don't do it,' he whispered to Shiro. Shiro loved the sound of him whispering- he guessed it was because he did it so little._  
  
_God, Shiro loved the sound of his_ whispers _. How was he going to survive months without his boyfriend?_  
  
_'Lance, come on. I'll be back before you know it!' Shiro whispered back, putting a hand on Lance's cheek, rubbing a thumb over his jaw- Lance's eyes fluttered closed, relief and comfort washing over him._  
  
_It didn't help the familiar knot in the back of his head whenever he thought about Shiro leaving._  
  
_"I have a bad feeling about this, Shiro."_  
  
_He knew Shiro knew. He'd told Shiro about it months ago._  
  
_They'd talked about Lance getting tested, but he didn't want to. One, his relationship with Shiro might get revealed which was absolutely categorically not going to happen, and two, if he tested positive he'd go straight to the Psy-Marines._  
  
_Psyrines didn't go to space._  
  
_Also absolutely categorically not going to happen._  
  
_Shiro kissed his brow. It didn't ease his tension much._  
  
_"Hey, your feelings aren't always right, right?"_  
  
_"...no."_  
  
_"And they typically get thrown off when you're nervous."_  
  
_"I know, and I know you said this before it's just..."_  
  
_"Lance," Shiro pressed his lips to Lance's when the other finally looked up, "I'm nervous too. But nothing bad is going to happen, alright? This mission has been in the works for longer than I've been alive. They know what they're doing, they've thought of everything. It'll be okay."_  
  
_Lance sighed, closing his eyes and kissing Shiro again. He snuggled in closer, his hard-on brushing against Shiro's thigh._  
  
_Shiro chuckled, a hand trailing up his chest._  
  
_"Already? Trying to beat your record?"_  
  
_Lance blushed at the comment, still not used to this side of Shiro._  
  
_He'd been so shy about this stuff when they first met._  
  
_Now the guy had him blushing, how did this even happen?  
_  
 _"Hey, four isn't even close to my record," Lance said in fake offense. Shiro grinned at him, lips coming to his ear._  
  
_'You're such a good boy, Lance,' Shiro whispered-_  
  
No he had- and Shiro was on him- this...this, he needed to get away from this, this wasn't him.  
  
He needed to get out.

He needed to save Lance.  
  
"Don't do it."  
  
_Listen to my voice. Concentrate. Remember to breathe._  
  
_Don't do it._  
  
Breathe.  
  
  
  
Shiro heaved in air, eyes manically looking around. His gaze fell on Lance, face twisted in pain, mouth open in a silent scream.  
  
"Turn it off!" Shiro yelled at Coran.  
  
"Shiro- what-?" the Atlean stared at him in shock, not moving.  
  
"Coran, shut it off _now_!"  
  
The man jumped, frantically moving to the controls, pressing a few buttons then pushing up the level.  
  
Lance's face calmed almost immediately.  
  
Thank quiznak he'd almost-  
  
"What the hell was that?!"  
  
Keith.  
  
Keith was in his face, body full of wraith. Shiro took a moment to look over the room.  
  
Allura was giving him a concerned look. Coran was reading the charts furvorously. Hunk was glaring at him, tears still in his eyes. Keith-  
  
He'd never seen Keith so angry at him.  
  
"I-"  
  
"Shiro, what happened?" Allura asked, voice not quite gentle.  
  
"I had a- a memory?" Shiro wasn't sure- it...it wasn't his but he was there.  
  
"A memory?" Allura again.  
  
"I was with Lance we were- um...he was telling me not to go on the Kerberus mission. He said it just like when we pulled him from the tank."  
  
"So you- so you just stopped everything because he said something similar to- to some memory that just _happened_ to resurface now?"  
  
"I- I mean-"  
  
Keith shook his head, slamming a fist down on the table.  
  
Shiro got a single, tear-filled glare, before Keith stomped out of the room.  
  
Silence.  
  
Muffled air flowing from the pod.  
  
Echo of voices from the memory.  
  
Remember to breathe.  
  
Shiro took in a lungful of air. He didn't- he'd made the correct decision. He didn't know why, just- a feeling in his gut. Like figuring out a difficult puzzle, a sense of rightness and completion.  
  
There was a voice at the end. He didn't know who it was, certainly not Lance.  
  
What the hell had happened to him?  
  
Shiro sat down as Hunk stood up, the other wiping his face on his sleeve.  
  
"Coran. How long will it take for the symbiote to finish bonding?" Hunk asked, pointedly not looking at Shiro.  
  
"About four hours," Coran respond, solemn.   
  
"And...how long for him to wake up?"   
  
"I'm afraid that's a question I cannot answer for you, my boy."  
  
Hunk turned still avoiding Shiro.  
  
"If anyone needs me, I'm with Pidge."  
  
Shiro didn't watch him leave.  
  
Allura sighed, walking over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder, facing Lance.  
  
"You should get some rest."   
  
She had to know he was going to stay here.   
  
"I don't think I can," Shiro admitted with a shake of his head.   
  
"Try. It will help clear your head."  
  
Shiro sighed and nodded. She squeezed his shoulder.  
  
"Whatever happens Shiro, the paladins will be with you."  
  
"How? If he doesn't come back-"  
  
"Then we'll mourn. Again. They need someone to blame, Shiro. They spent so much time blaming themselves, they can't do that again. So. You're the unfortunate scapegoat."  
  
Shiro chuckled bitterly.  
  
"And here I thought I was done being the leader."  
  
"Keith does have a few things he needs to learn," Allura said with a sigh.  
  
Shiro nodded, putting a hand on hers.  
  
"Thank you Allura."  
  
She gave him a smile, one last squeeze, and then started on her way out.  
  
"I'll be in the meeting room, sorting through things for the trip to the Yargul."  
  
And then she was gone.  
  
Shiro looked to Coran, question in his mind from the memory. He wasn't sure how to ask this- didn't know the social protocols for humans, so he certainly was out of his element with Altean customs.  
  
Here goes nothing anyway.  
  
"Coran, if you don't mind me asking- did you know Lance was psychic?"  
  
Coran sighed, stopping his note taking. He set down the pad, lounging back on a chair close by.  
  
"See that in this memory of yours?" Coran asked. He sounded so defeated, it hurt Shiro's heart, "To answer your question, yes. Last time he was here it...manifested in the data. The tank has an indicator, there- see? To make sure a species' psionic core are functioning as normal."  
  
"Did he- did he mention why he didn't tell us?"  
  
"No and- and this should be a question you should be asking him, this is private but with the circumstances as is-"  
  
"Coran. He'll be fine."  
  
Coran sighed, nodding.  
  
"Yes. Yes, you're right. It should still be Lance telling you this, but. I asked him about it after the last time he was in the tank. He implied he didn't like his power, limited as it was. I'd assume it had to do with that."  
  
Odd. Powers were a rare gift. It made sense why sharpshooting came so naturally to him.  
  
"Does he even know now?" Shiro asked. Coran frowned, shaking his head.  
  
"It's something I've needed to discuss with him for a long time, with the amnesia and all. I just haven't wanted to overwhelm him."  
  
Shiro nodded- he understood.  
  
"You should go eat, get some rest, something to get your mind off things."  
  
"No. This was my decision, it wouldn't feel right not being here."  
  
"Well, at least get comfortable then. You have a long while to wait yet."  
  
Shiro let out a long breath.  
  
Four hours then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the things are coming together!


	9. All Your Mistakes

  
It took Keith three hours to calm down enough to return to the medbay.  
  
He felt so...out of control. He was suppose to be the Black paladin- he was suppose to be leading. Yet every time he was around Shiro he just- gave control to the other man. It's not like he couldn't lead, he'd proven himself on that front plenty of times.  
  
It drove him nuts. And on top of everything else going on?  
  
And then Shiro had go and shut off the one thing that would've kept Lance alive.  
  
He- he needed to calm down. He was just getting riled up on his way there, and that wasn't going to do anyone good.  
  
Keith's heart clenched as he reached the medbay.  
  
Shiro, head on his arms staring at Lance. Lance, in a cyrppod, probably going to die.  
  
And Keith couldn't do anything about it.  
  
And he _hated_ seeing Shiro like that. He might've fucked everything up, but that didn't mean Keith didn't still care deeply for the other.  
  
He just looked so...so hopeless.  
  
Keith sighed, before walking into the room and plopping into the seat next to Shiro. They sat in silence, Shiro not even looking at him. Keith was still pissed at him- pissed as all hell.  
  
He put a hand on Shiro's arm, hoping it would give the other some comfort.  
  
From the way he felt Shiro relax, he'd say it did.  
  
"What you said earlier," Shiro started, "To Hunk. Did Lance really say that?"  
  
Keith's stomach flipped with shame. He shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't haven't even thought of saying that. _Ever_.  
  
"I shouldn't have-"  
  
"Keith. Everyone makes mistakes."  
  
"But saying _that_ Shiro."  
  
"Did Lance say that?"  
  
Keith withdrew his hand, joining Shiro on the table, head on crossed arms. He missed Lance's longer hair, but...he'd admit, Lance was rather striking with his hair cropped short.  
  
"Almost. He couldn't say the last word."  
  
Silence for a bit. Every breath from Shiro sounded like a sigh.  
  
"I think my biggest regret," Shiro started, "in all of this, was not realizing just how far Lance's mental health had deteriorated. If he was at that point, and he hadn't said anything to anyone...what kind of team were we? What kind of leader was I?"  
  
"Shiro, he was able to hide it from us- even when we were mind melding for Voltron. How were we suppose to know?"  
  
"You didn't know something was wrong?"  
  
Keith didn't reply to that.  
  
Because he had known something was wrong. They all did- they just- Lance was always so happy and jubilant most of the time. He'd always just assumed Lance was adjusted to life in space or missing his family or something. Not that he was nearly suicidally depressed.  
  
"I did I just didn't think it was that severe."  
  
"I didn't either. But I also didn't ask him about it. He would've for us."  
  
Shiro was right about that. Lance wouldn't have hesitated to ask them if they were okay.  
  
"Did he have a conversation with you? About how he's doing now?"  
  
"Sort of? I mean he cried in my lap."  
  
Shiro raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"I mean- I found him upset, we talked, he has a lot of left over emotions from when he was alive that he doesn't understand. Like the memory is gone, but the trauma it caused is still there."  
  
Shiro raised another eyebrow before looking back at Lance.  
  
"What?" Keith said, irritation leaking into his voice.  
  
"You've gotten a lot more articulate. I hadn't noticed. That's all," Shiro said, small smile lighting up his face.  
  
"Oh," so much for being articulate. He didn't really know what to say to the compliment though, so just stayed quiet trying to ignore the light blush on his face and small twist in his gut.  
  
"Did...he talk to you?"  
  
Shiro sighed, nodding.  
  
"Same kind of thing. He's just trying to figure things out. And most of the answers he's getting aren't exactly positive."  
  
Keith frowned, looking at Lance. His eyes closed, with comically long lashes. Tan skin, lithe frame with wide shoulders. It was the first time since Before that he'd seen Lance with a relaxed expression. At least whatever was happening he wasn't in pain this time.  
  
Keith hadn't looked- really looked- at Lance since his rebirth. Whenever he tried all he could see was Lance, hole in his chest from the gun shot, the weird goo all over him.  
  
Honestly, the blue tone to his skin and hair wasn't all that bad on him. It was like a light gloss more than anything else. It'd make his eyes pop all the time, and he wanted to see them, get to stare in them again.  
  
And hear Lance sing. Keith wondered if he could get Lance to sing some punk...he smiled at the thought.  
  
Shiro shifted bringing his thoughts back to the present. To what Shiro had implied hours ago. It soured his mood almost instantly.  
  
Why had Lance even bothered with him? From what Shiro said, they were dating at some point. Why didn't Lance just tell Shiro the truth?  
  
"Shiro. About the letter you recieved from Lance..." He wasn't really sure where he wanted to go with this.  
  
"Yeah. I should've explained earlier, ask away."  
  
"Were you and Lance dating?"  
  
Directness was always the best approach right?  
  
Shiro's surprised look made him rethink that.  
  
"That's what the letter said, yes. I just don't have any memories of it."  
  
Keith frowned looking toward his hands. He didn't want this to be true.  
  
"That doesn't- you were dating Adam, that doesn't make any sense."  
  
Shiro took his time answering eyes glued to Lance.  
  
"Keith, look at Lance.  
  
Keith frowned.  
  
"I don't understand-"  
  
"Just- just look."  
  
Keith huffed, but turned to the man lying on the bed.  
  
"Now, imagine him with glasses."  
  
Keith frowned.  
  
It-  
  
"No way."  
  
He looked strikingly like Adam.  
  
Like way way more than should've been real. Yeah, he still looked a bit younger then the other but- lithe frame, long legs, same thin face and sharp features.  
  
The only big difference was his eyes- Lance's were deep blue, And Adam's were chocolate brown.  
  
"So you- you guys covered it up- but- how do you know he's telling the truth?"  
  
Shiro's gaze snapped to him, frown lines deep.  
  
Keith didn't want this to be true.  
  
He didn't want to be second place.  
  
Not again  
  
"I mean he could've-"  
  
"Could've lied?" Shiro asked, giving him a dubious look, "Keith, what's going on?"  
  
"When we visited Baradys the first time. Lance took me- we went on a date."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"At least I think it was a date? We went to the beach, he tried to teach me how to surf. Ended up on his board with him. He sang me music."  
  
"Wait wait- Lance _serenaded_ you?"  
  
Keith blushed, brows furrowing.  
  
"I mean yeah, I guess."  
  
Shiro chuckled, "Yes, Keith, that was definitely a date."  
  
Keith sighed. That meant he was interested...right?  
  
Had they both gotten over Shiro?  
  
The twinge in his gut as the man smiled at him made that answer pretty clear.  
  
"Hey cheer up. You look like someone shot you."  
  
The question stewed in his brain. It was so hard- he thought he knew Shiro so well, and yet...he'd missed this.  
  
"How do you know, Shiro?"  
  
"What...do you mean?"  
  
"How do you know you and Lance dated?"  
  
"Keith please, is this really the time?"  
  
" _Shiro_."  
  
The older man sighed, looking at Lance. He shook his head subtly, before digging into his pocket. He pulled out a long, old fashioned photo, handing it to Keith.  
  
An old photobooth photo. Quiznak, Lance was so freaking cheesy and romantic and-  
  
Keith had gotten to the last picture.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"Yeah," Keith passed a glance over Shiro. The man was pointedly not looking at him, blush on his face. Keith was pretty sure his was matching.  
  
"So uh- definitely dating then," Keith said, looking away as he handed the photo back.  
  
"Most definitely."  
  
Keith wasn't sure how to respond in this situation with something that sexual- how did Lance even convince Shiro to go along with it?  
  
Keith groaned and put his head on the table.  
  
That picture...he felt a bone deep jealousy riddle his body. He just had no idea what exactly he was jealous of.  
  
This was messed up. He shouldn't be feeling this way.  
  
"Keith you don't have to worry," Shiro started. Keith peeked from where his head was buried, "I'm not going to pursue Lance or anything."  
  
"Shiro, I don't know Lance great, but I know him well enough to know what love is. And that? That expression? Why the hell aren't you going to go after that?"  
  
"Keith, after everything- not protecting him, I let him die twice, I just sat around as he became seriously depressed, I _forgot_ him. I don't deserve that, not from him. Not from Lance."  
  
Keith scowled at him.  
  
"So what, he just stopped loving you because you couldn't babysit him?"  
  
"It's not about him loving me Keith."  
  
"So you know he likes you still?"  
  
"I- yes, okay? I do! He- he told me about how he remembered me. That I was the tied for the most important person to him, that he had a feeling he couldn't describe for me other than warm and important."  
  
Keith held his breath.  
  
That- sounded like romantic feelings.  
  
Lance still, after everything, remembered loving Shiro.  
  
"Who-" Keith swallowed, his voice breaking, "Who were you tied with?"  
  
Shiro gave him an intense look, staring him down until Keith was squirming.  
  
"You, Keith."  
  
Keith felt the butterflies in his stomach flutter into his lungs and snatch his breath.  
  
Shiro finally looked away- back at the tank.  
  
"That's why I'm not doing this. He still cares for you and you didn't forget he existed."  
  
"Shiro," Keith said, putting a hand on his shoulder. The man ignored him until Keith shook him slightly. When he turned his eyes were teary, and it wrenched at Keith's heart.  
  
"You are one of the greatest men I've ever met. You had something horrific happen. You were traumatized beyond anything- hell Shiro. You can't blame yourself for that. You have to let that go, forgive yourself."  
  
Shiro let out a small chuckle, tears finally spilling over.  
  
"Lance said that in his letter. About letting go."  
  
"Hey, if Lance is giving you good advice then you definitely know you need to follow it."  
  
Shiro smiled at him with a deep breath.  
  
"He already gives great advice," Shiro said, watching Keith with a fond look.  
  
Keith frowned. It wasn't a pout, because he didn't pout.  
  
"I know and I hate it."  
  
Shiro laughed, putting his hand over the one Keith had on his shoulder. Keith chuckled with him, squeezing the man's shoulder lightly.  
  
But they needed to keep going. They had to figure this out.  
  
"Shiro do you um. Do you still- you know- like Lance?"  
  
Shiro sobered, still retaining a slight smile. He wiped his face off, sniffing once, and looked even more graceful. The prick.  
  
"That's a hard question. In short? I think so. But it's hard to parse through with everything that's happened. I don't know if my feelings are genuine or...something else."  
  
"Do they feel like something else?"  
  
He took a moment to respond to that.  
  
"No...I don't think so, no."  
  
Keith sighed, taking Shiro's hand in his.  
  
"Then let's give him some time to recover. Then we actually talk about it."  
  
"I never thought I'd see the day Keith Kogane told _me_ we needed to talk.  
  
Keith let out a small huff. It had Shiro chuckling.  
  
He was still struggling with the whole communication thing.  
  
He was getting better though.  
  
This was be a good way to prove that to himself.  
  
"Okay," it was soft and unlike him and he blamed the butterflies for getting in the way of his breathing.  
  
Shiro smiled and nodded. He looked at their hands, moving his fingers, lacing them with Keith's.  
  
It made Keith's stomach twirl.  
  
They both laid their heads on the table after that, attempting to get comfortable. They still had quite a bit of time. Keith didn't know about Shiro, but he didn't want to leave either man in this room.  
  
He only realized he'd been dozing when a blanket was put around his shoulders, a large, warm body situating next to him. He blinked and looked over, Hunk, giving him a small smile and wave. Keith frowned, blinked a few more times, then grabbed the side of the blanket on Hunk's side, burritoing the two of them together.  
  
As he laid his head back down, Keith spotted a small tuft of hair from Pidge leaning against Shiro's other side. He smiled, to himself his eyes drooping closed, giving Shiro's hand a small squeeze.  
  
Oh boy was he still pissed off at the guy though. When all this was over, he better watch out.


	10. Breathing Life

Lance was dreaming in memory.  
  
They were a jumble- mostly small details, mundane things that didn't matter-  
  
The amount of sea shells on the beach the day his sister stepped on the shark fishing hook. How he watched the space between his and Shiro's hands as Allura resurrected him- it was just an inch. He just needed to move an inch.  
  
The flick of the G string on his guitar, the coarse feel of it against the tips of his fingers- he hated playing with a pick, but between the garrison and Space, he'd lost his callouses- he'd definitely blister in the morning.  
  
There was this essence of good-natured feeling throughout. Mostly curiousity, but whenever his memories turned sad, it left for melancholy. The presence- it felt like his mind was being cradled. He felt so safe with it, like how he felt with Blue when he couldn't fall asleep, body too drained, in the middle of an episode.  
  
Blue...  
  
He felt a low purr echo in his mind, waves of teasing calm lapping against the edge of his consciousness, temperamental sass edging in. Then curiosity, affection, pride-  
  
That wasn't blue...  
  
Because he was the Red paladin. Had been for a while. The purring grew, surrounding him with comforting vibrations. It wasn't just one now.  
  
Fives voices swathing around his mind, keeping him and his Other gently together.  
  
Was he breathing?  
  
He needed to remember to breathe- that was important. So, _so_ important.  
  
Lance's breath was a quiet rasp of chilled air.  
  
Cryopod.  
  
He really hated this thing.  
  
But it was _really_ comfortable right now.  
  
Lance's everything hurt. Every part of his body, even his freaking PC muscle, which okay, but why? He had to be sick. That's the only reason he was in the dumb pod, right? He had to have like- super space flu. He'd...he'd been talking to Keith and then just collapsed.  
  
His head hurt worst of all.  
  
It was like someone stuffed his head full on all sides with- with this pressure. He cold literally feel his brain pulsing in his skull and just wanted to press the stuffiness _out_ -  
  
And then it was gone. He could still feel it, way on the edge of his brain- right up against the swathing purrs. He frowned, picking out one of the forces lightly, slowly drawing it back to the surface of his mind, like grasping a word on the tip of the tongue.  
  
It was- spicy? Cinnamon spicy, dry, sleek.  
  
It felt like it was furry. It- well it-hmmm.  
  
This was very weird and he wasn't sure if he liked it.  
  
He let his mind envelope the presence, wrap around it, imagined a warm blanket surrounding a body-  
  
Lance didn't see Keith as much as _felt_ him. He was exhausted, hurt, filled with self-doubt and anxiety. Anxiety over him. Physically, he was surrounded by warmth, his hand connected with- with Shiro.  
  
Lance retreated, flew back from the presence, shot as far away from it as he could.  
  
He just- he just went _into_ Keith's mind. Like-  
  
Is that what the Lions experienced?  
  
Did they just...float inside their paladins like that, feelings melding in osmosis?  
  
Lance got a humorous purr from the five at the edges of his consciousness.  
  
He wasn't sure if that was a yes or not.  
  
He tried pressing against the others lightly, eyes furrowed closed in concentration. It was difficult controlling the force he was using. More than once he shot forward towards the feeling, approaching too quickly for comfort, his head pounding in response.  
  
But he found them all. Pidge, soft, bitter herbs, and pine. Hunk was honey, sweet and gooey, with a soft heavy blanket kind of comfort. Shiro was autumn air and light scratches against the skin.  
  
He could even feel Allura and Coran, though they were too far to be able to truly pick up on how they felt in his mind. And much more...well, alien compared to the others.  
  
And there was...there was a something else in his head too- his Other. When Lance tried to poke it, it gently pulled away. The more insistently he tried, the further and gentler it went. But it was radiating kindness and caring and after a few attempts, Lance gave up, too tired to keep it up.  
  
But he was definitely going to figure out what that was.  
  
He got a laugh from all six people in his head, which okay, rude.  
  
His response only made them chuckle harder.  
  
He took in a deep breath. This was all so-  
  
Okay, it was freaking rad as hell! But also freaking...freaky. Like, suddenly he had mind powers? Apparently? Is that thing you get after dying too many times or something? Also, the fact that it worked liked the Lions was crazy. This weird mix of really _really_ specific feelings which included their actual sense of touch.  
  
He wondered...  
  
Lance conjured up the few memories he had. Times with his family, being comforted by his team even Keith in his own weird kind of ways, Hunk's hugs, falling asleep while cuddling. He let the feeling of gratitude and peace and love wash over him.  
  
And then he let his mind open, the waters bubbling over to the rest of the group.  
  
Lance could feel the tension escape them. Felt their shoulders loosen and faces relax.  
  
Fuck this was so cool! And new. Very very new, and he couldn't wait to tell them about this.  
  
Lance smiled thinking about it. Pidge would want to study him. Hunk would freak with him thinking it was rad as hell (uh- cause it was!) Allura would research, Shiro would want him to train, Keith-  
  
Well okay, Keith would probably be super suspicious. But it wouldn't be Keith if he wasn't. And, oh, he could not wait to tease the man with this.  
  
Still grinning, Lance let himself relax, keeping the others close in his mind, the lions and his Other wrapping around them all, a cuddle puddle of comfort and love.  
  
And, together, they slept.  
  
  
\---

  
Korvig had Galra warrior in his blood. His father, his father's mother, her mother- they were able to trace their line back 5000 years.  
  
And here he stood, intel in hand, idly wondering if he had the nerve to turn coat.  
  
For the short time Lotor took over, things had started to change- their goal was peace instead of war. A brilliant move tactically, but it gave him a new perspective on things.  
  
He rubbed the small amulet in between his fingers.  
  
He'd saved a small girl and her mother from a rogue laser blast. In all honesty, he hadn't meant to at the time.Even still, in return, they saved him, kept him alive. The daughter, Claris, gave him a small flower pendant.  
  
It showed him something he hadn't thought he'd ever see from another species- hell, even his own species.  
  
Kindness. How it bonded people together.  
  
He believed now it was something Lotor had tried to show them.  
  
Even if it was for purely selfish reasons, somewhere along the way to power, the Galra had lost their empathy. A society that couldn't connect even with its own people? How could they possibly survive?  
He sighed.  
  
No. It wasn't time yet. He had to be patient, see how exactly this played out. The druids had some scheme and he knew he was a part of it. He needed to figure it out before he made his move.  
  
He shivered as the parasite rippled up his back, under his skin. He still wasn't used to transforming. The...Thing...still felt too alien in his body. He couldn't imagine ever getting used to it.  
  
Korvig pressed the comms menu, sighing as he typed in the information, contacting the main fleet.  
  
"What is it?" A masked man answered the call.  
  
"Tell Haggar Operation Yugaina is almost ready. However there's been an...upset."  
  
"We lost the specimen on Ios, we know."  
  
"It wasn't lost," Korvig said, "It found a host. We aren't sure who yet, but we can feel it."  
  
"You can 'feel' it?"  
  
Korvig nodded. His...Thing squirmed in his brain.  
  
He wished he could communicate with it. Just...figure out what it wanted.  
  
"Interesting. I'll let Haggar know immediately. Find our new Host. They will need to undergo the ritual."  
  
"And...if they are unwilling?" Korvig asked. It was a bold move, and he hoped he wasn't stretching his usefulness too thin.  
  
The Druid stood quietly, staring at him. It took everything in him not to move.  
  
"Bring them to Haggar, Host," the Druid said, before he cut off the call.  
  
Korvig let out a long breath.  
  
He popped out the data chip, having recorded the call.  
  
He would work here as long as he could. He didn't know what the Witch was planning, but his fellow Hosts were her next play things. Whoever this new Host was, he would make sure she couldn't get her claws on them. At least for as long as he still had his mind.  
  
He shuddered as the writhing through his body continued.  
  
Please let him find them in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Barely got this posted in time before s7 started. XD I hope you guys enjoyed!! Definitely stay tuned for part 2 of the series! And remember to contact me if you can figure out how the chapter titles are connected ;3c


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